Death by Breasts

Beanbags, funbags, breasticles, ta-tas, no matter what you call your two ‘girls’, I bet you have never imagined of using them as a deadly weapon. More so, I bet you didn’t even know that death by breasts was even humanly possible!

Well, two buxom beauties have brought imagination to life and done just that, smothering their partners so dramatically with their breasts in an attempt to end their lives. One did, in fact, succeed.

In January 2013, 51 year old Donna Lange, from Everett, Washington was reported to have thrown herself on top of her boyfriend in an attempt to smother him to death after the pair engaged in a rather heated row inside of their mobile home. Pleading with her to get off him, her 51 year old boyfriend fought for air as Lange refused to shift her body weight, serving him up excessively large portions of her lady lumps.

Heavily intoxicated, Lange is reported to have received facial injuries during the altercation and ended up telling police that she had no idea how the man had died. One witness however, reported that ‘she had her chest on his face – she smothered him to death.’

Doctors tried to revive the man but he was pronounced dead on arrival at Washington Swedish Medical Centre.

It was reported that a policeman took a photograph at the scene of what appeared to be a handful of Lange’s locks clutched in the victim’s hand, proving that the boyfriend put up a fight whilst suckling at the teat.

Two months earlier, German woman Franziska Hansen, 33, from Unna, was accused of trying to kill her lawyer boyfriend, Tim Schmidt, with her 38DD breasts in what she claims was a consensual sex game. 13 stone Schmidt claimed that 9 stone Hansen tried to smother him to death using her breasts as a weapon, a claim that police labelled as attempted manslaughter with a weapon.

Hansen denies Schmidt’s claim that he wasn’t involved in any such sex game, saying he knew what it was all about.

Schmidt told the German court that although they had had a difficult relationship at times that until the incident, their sex lives had been normal.

Reported by the Huffington Post, Schmidt recalled the near fatal evening, “She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed it between her breasts with all of her force. I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

Schmidt said Hansen tried to kill him after learning he was planning to pack his bags and leave her.

‘It is clear she wanted to kill me,’ he said. ‘She even admitted it to me on the telephone. I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: “Treasure I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible.”‘

Well, at least she was thinking of him before ending his life, right?