The Bachelorette And Sash Pash

Rallying the troops, the guys decide on mutual respect since the Bro Code walked out the door with last week with that festering wank rag Blue Steele.

Osher enters wearing the most glorious man cardi ever to have graced guns, and drops a date card.

The Right Foot

Sasha-licious scores!

Strolling down some stairs to meet The Mistress on his single date, Sash turns Sam into a fumbly mess. The  Bachelorette explains through hair flicks, wayward eyes and piggy snorts that  they’ll be dancing today.

The dance teacher, about to teach them the tango, tells Sasha-licious he’ll be gettin’ hot in here, so take off all your clothes…

The choreographer wastes no time and choreographs a whole bunch of physical innuendo for Sasha-licious and the bachelorette. Sam is instructed to touch him up, rub her hands all over his chest and feel the passion. The passion!

 

With her ladyship all flustered and moist, I’m pretty sure Sasha has a chubby.

Group Date

Will, dressed like Rosie the Riveter, reads out the group date.

 

Keiren, Richie, David Beckham, Dave, Will, Tony, Kayne. Oh and Davey, who’s more annoying than thrush.

Flesh Flute

After some nervous chatter, Sam/The Producers want to know more about Sasha’s step dad. Let’s weed out some heart strings with twinkly music and some background flute action. Yadda Yadda, Oh me too!

“He has exactly the type of family values I’m looking for in a man.” Aww bless.

Cut to the evening and The Mistress shit bricks that she doesn’t fall down some stone steps landing her toilet doll costume over her head.

Performing their tango for the cameras, it’s more awkward than a watching someone on a flight decide whether to give the person beside them the arse or the crutch on the way to the loo.

To The Make Out Couch

Ho hum chatter suddenly get interesting when Sasha-licious casually tries to slide, ‘Oh yeah, so I’ve been engaged before,’ into mid conversation, glossing over it and continuing on.

Hold the fucking phone friend, The Mistress does not miss a trick.

Did you forget what happened to her last year?

Probing it a little further, The Bachelorette is satisfied that it was an amicable ending.

With half his shirt buttons undone and his man rug on show, it tips a moist Sam Frost over the edge. She can’t get a rose on his shirt lapel fast enough and then plants an awkward kiss on his cheek. Of his face.

Gang Date

At the polo club, the guy’s group date is a photoshoot. A shirtless shoot. Holla ladies, I can hear all your ass cheeks clapping!

The shoot will feature in tomorrow’s Who magazine to raise awareness for Save Our Strays. And again, whoever makes The Bachelorette swoon the most gets dibs on some one on one action.

Sam picks dogs that remind her of each guy to be paired up for the shoot. Apparently she’s looking for their nurturing side. Whatev’s lady, we’re onto you. Wink.

In the rustic barn come ‘dude un-dressing’ room, the guys rip their lids off.

‘Suns out, guns out.’

During the shoot, the dogs make an absolute mockery of the men. Richie lies in piss, Will has a dog that has crazier hair than him and Davey takes a bath with a rottweiler twice his size.

One On One

David Beckham wins Sam for some alone time and they head straight for the make out couch. The Mistress showers him with compliments telling him he was so comfortable and confident today and that he wears his heart on his sleeve. David Beckham ensures that he will continue to communicate his feelings with Sam as he is aware that, tick tock.

 

They talked a lot about ensuring they are open with one another. Not anything juicy. Boo hiss.

Wait! There was an almost lip kiss. We’re getting closer.

Cock Tails

The guys are all aware that time is of the essence.

Kayne snags a one on one chat with The Mistress and still tries to woo her wet bits with a gimmick.

‘How do you feel about rap?’

Er, how do you feel about not getting a rose?

The blokes scurry to the balcony to watch Kayne lyrically murder the english language. Along with any shred of his dignity.

Totally digging it, The Bachelorette throws down all the ‘yeah’s’ and ‘uh huh’s’.

Lucky she loves a laugh.

Drew wants bitty mummy as The Mistress feels compelled to coddle him. So sweet.

Sasha get picked by Sam for a chat as her warms up to put the moves on.

Hand on her knee he breathes, ‘I just want to kiss you.’

‘You should’

Boom! First kiss of the season and The Mistress likes it so much she demands more.

 

High five lady!

Rose Ceremony

Sasha-licious already has a rose is addressed by Osher, looking magnificent in marsala.

‘You really swept her off her feet.’ Wink wink.

Hello nurse! David Beckham gets the next rose. Mumma so happy.

Will gets a rose for shits and giggles.

Kayne scores a rose with, ‘It was the rap,’ that saved his ass.

Davey, more annoying than a pube between your teeth, gets a rose.

Tony scoring the last rose sees Drew and his sweet little top knot depart the Man Mansion.