The Bachelor Storms Out, Nina Chucks A Nana

Loitering in the lounge of the Ladies Lair, the girls are lamenting the loss of Elbow.

“I really miss her being the first to come down stairs, eating a banana”¦” Living on the edge.

Osher enters and it’s evident that his Bachelor wardrobe is sponsored by Pantone’s 2015 colour of the year, marsala.

Depositing a date card, he bids the ladies, adieu.

Thinking it’ll be a single date, Rachel informs them it’s a group date involving Lana, herself, Snez, Heather, Nina and Sarah. So, basically all of them then.

Tiny Humans Tear It Up

Arriving at an oval with tiny sport stations set up, The Bachelor is about to give the ladies a taste of his day job. Cue the avalanche of hopped up, hypo kids running at them full tilt.

Right ladies, this is a test to see what you’ll be like with kids, so ovaries get ready.

Sneezy Parmigiana, the only mum in the group, is naturally, a natural. Taking the kids through an obstacle course, she has their attention and completes her coaching in an orderly fashion.

Sarah, coaching the kids through some T-Ball loses their attention the moment she opens her mouth.

Heather is walking around in circles as she tries to coach the kids through some cricket. They quickly discover they can use the wickets as weapons and have a light sabre/sword contest.

“Kids can be such jerks but they’re so cool,” says Heather.

Rachel couldn’t be less interested if she tried as her soccer station turns into a shit fest.

Lana had the kids engaged and under control with her basketball activity.

Nina had the kids for rugby and had their full attention because she was letting them know her over. What kid wouldn’t love that!

Date Discord

Back at the Ladies Lair, Sarah discovers a date card.

Nina, yeah Nina, must be Nina, has to be Nina, it’s been so long”¦ Er it’s Lana. Ouch Nina.

Lana meets The Bachelor on a jetty as they make their way to their date activity. Parasailing.

An ideal date considering The Wood is afraid of heights. Casually chatting away, suspended in the air, it is revealed that Lana is exceptionally well traveled, lived in Mexico, speaks fluent Spanish and would move to Melbourne to breed with The Wood.

With more talk about beautiful eyes, Lana feels like like she’s got ‘feelings’.

Cry Me A River

Nina is having a freaking melt down as the girls speculate over Lana’s potential to return from her one on one date with a rose.

Acoustically Awkward

Arriving at a romantic date, Jamie Lawson is set up on a balcony to serenade the pair. They slow dance to the song Wasn’t Expecting That.

I wasn’t expecting that. 

Did I misread the sign? Your hand slipped into mine

I wasn’t expecting that

You spent the night in my bed, you woke up and you said

Well, I wasn’t expecting that

Subtle.

Feeding each other on the make out couch, they discuss how quickly they’ve made a connection and are playing catch up.

Back At The Mansion

Bitch face in full swing, Rachel is in agreeance with the original gangstas that they wouldn’t be impressed if Lana returns with a rose.

Lana returns with a rose.

‘The only one happy with Lana getting a rose, is Lana,’ exclaims Sneezy Parmigiana.

Sam strides into a very tense room.

‘Oh, this is tense,‘ on point Wood, ‘wanna come for a chat Sarah?’

Rose Ritual

Given that Lana already has a rose, only 4 roses remain.

Heather gets one.

Sneezy gets one.

And then wait. Wait some more. Wipe our brow. The Bachelor does a runner. He confers with his bro in brown and Osh Kosh slips him another rose.

So no one is going home then? Pfft. Anticlimax.