I counted back from 10″¦and didn’t wake up for 3 days

This story was shared by one of our Stay at Home Mum community members, Karen.  We thank her for sharing her story with us here at Stay at Home Mum. If you would like your own story featured on the Stay at Home Mum page, please send your unique story to [email protected]. 

After 9 months of grieving for a baby that wasn’t to be (no heartbeat at 14 weeks), the week after what would have been his birthday, I found out I was pregnant.  This turned me into one of ‘those’ expectant Mothers”¦ the ones that do everything right, I’m pretty sure I didn’t even look at deli meat for fear that I’d cause harm to one of my babies.  I was pregnant with twins and had been pre-warned “a high percentage of twin pregnancies end in only one baby” and “if you lose one baby, there’s a good chance you’ll lose the other”.

I was 34 weeks pregnant, felt 100% fine (as fine as a woman with an unnaturally large belly and a couple babies wedged in unpleasant places could feel), but went along to my local GP to enquire about the Swim Flu vaccination.

He said no”¦ he didn’t want to do it, took my blood pressure and told me it was “a little on the higher side”, just to be safe, head into the hospital to get it checked.  They told me I was there to stay, the next day they said I could go home pending a check from my OB, it was all up in the air whether I was staying or going”¦ nothing was wrong with me.

After a few nights in hospital and a lot of lectures from the nurses “if you feel like you have indigestion or start seeing spots, let us know””¦ I laughed, I always had indigestion.

At 2am a few days in I felt absolutely ridiculous, I hit the buzzer and said “maybe the indigestion is a little worse, I feel fine, but since you’ve all lectured me”¦”.

They took my vitals and called a code green”¦ it was an emergency, I had people running about in every direction.

I’d planned a natural birth, I was advised I was having a C-section.  I said that’s ok, but can I be awake.  The answer was no.

Hubby had rushed into the hospital, as I was being wheeled into surgery I made him promise two things:

1. When I’ve had the babies, go with the babies”¦ don’t wait for me, they need someone with them”¦. Promise me (he said no)”¦ PROMISE ME OR I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU (he said yes).
2. Don’t let anyone see the babies until I’ve met them

I went into surgery and was told, we need to keep you awake while we use a scalpel to cut open your neck”¦. I didn’t ask why”¦ I just agreed and told them to put my babies first.  They knew”¦ they were feeding in main lines for the drugs to keep me alive.

They missed”¦ they had to cut it open again, then they fed tubes down the hole”¦ all I remember is it was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced.

I counted back from 10″¦ and didn’t wake up for 3 days.

I found out about 5 days after the birth that I had ‘sudden’ pre-eclampsia, that escalated to ‘sudden’ HELLP Syndrome, my heart, liver, lungs and kidneys had shut down.  Apparently it usually progresses over several days and doctors have the chance to deliver the babies in an orderly fashion.  Before my code green they’d taken my vitals 4 hours before and there was no sign of any problem, it was really quick.

So in the missing 3 days apparently my family went through hell.  There wasn’t a great chance that I’d survive, but the babies were both healthy big boys!

Also, in the missing 3 days, my poor little babies were deprived of the love they should have had by family because of my stupid request of “I want to see the babies before anyone else”.  Hubby listened and didn’t let anyone see the boys, which I still feel guilty about but the fact that in amongst all that stress he honoured my wishes makes me love him more.

I remember waking up on day 3 throwing punches because they were trying to kill me again”¦ but this time I was pinned down and whilst hard, I could ‘kind of’ breathe.

I remember being in intensive care for 24 hours while the nurse taught me how to keep my blood pressure down and did OT to help build up my lung capacity.

I remember them sending counsellors into my room to help me cope with the “trauma””¦ I was a little confused, as far as I was concerned I woke up and asked (20 times) if the boys were ok, and they were”¦ I kept smiling and going back to sleep.  In the end I pointed to the corner of the room and showed them my husband “¦ curled up in the foetal position after everything HE’D been through.  I suggested they talk to him and make sure he was ok.

Then I got to meet my beautiful boys”¦ it was a whirl wind meeting of 30 seconds with family peering in through the special care unit window before being invited into the room with me to goo-goo ga-ga.  I was drugged, dazed and confused and in a bed being whacked in the head by the splint on twin 2’s arm trying to juggle holding 2 screaming babies in my arms for photos then being whisked away to my room”¦ it wasn’t quite as romantic as what I’d planned.

I wasn’t meant to see them yet, the nurses did it out of kindness”¦ I was meant to be resting in my room not raising my blood pressure.

For the next week I saw them once a day for about 30 minutes each time, under nurse supervision being wheeled down in a wheel chair.

I watched hubby change their nappies and feed them with tubes (they were being tube fed because I wanted to breast feed).  I felt totally incompetent, I didn’t know my own children.  So I drank water & pumped 40ml of breast milk every 2 hours.  It’s all I had to make me feel like a mother.

I was still on a drip a week later, drinking 4 litres of water a day (self imposted), I was pumping in an attempt to bring in my milk.  The catheter had come out days before and I woke up in excruciating pain.  There were doctors and nurses everywhere trying to figure out what was wrong”¦ in the ward I was “the girl who lived”.  Then someone asked me “when was the last time you went to the toilet?”.

The toilet?  I hadn’t been to the toilet in a week and a half?  Oooops.  The feeling had completely gone and thankfully I had a bladder of steel (one benefit apparently of a c-section)”¦. They carried me into the bathroom, where I sat for the next 40 minutes doing a wee.  Best”¦ feeling”¦ EVER.

Next”¦ another code green about 3 days later”¦ my first *ahem* attempt at “going to the toilet””¦ ok, I’m not going to give the details.  I passed out”¦ ahhh”¦ “mid-going” if you know what I mean.

In between passing out “¦ in the temporarily moments of consciousness, I recall seeing about 20 expectant faces starting at me”¦ talking about moving me to the bed.  I was screaming “NO”¦ It’s kind of half out” *faint*”¦ “no”¦ don’t move me!” *faint*”¦ and as everyone starred wondering what to do, the room was silent, except for a “PLOP!” sound”¦. at which point, I had no dignity left.

It all ended well, 2.5 weeks after the birth of my perfect twins, I left the hospital to go home and prepare (kicking & screaming), then went back the next night for a night with them in the room”¦ the next day we went home together.

And 5 years later we are all living happily ever after”¦ with a life changing mentality that children are a gift”¦ they changed everything for me, my career and my respect for mums “¦ the process taught me to cherish every moment.

I also cherish every drop of wine that is poured into my glass when I put them to bed.

Our life is perfect”¦ but not quite as perfect as what my Facebook profile shows . It never is.

Thank you so much to Karen for sharing her story.  

Please, share your thoughts in the comments below and if you would like to share your story about the life as a parent, please email [email protected]. We look forward to reading them.