Attending a Funeral Service with Children

If a loved one has recently died then you may wish to attend the funeral or memorial service. The decision to bring your child with you or not will depend on how close the child was to the departed, the travel arrangements and the age of the child. It is a good idea to invite the child to attend the funeral with you so that they have a chance to say goodbye and to see how a funeral works. It can help them gain closure and understanding on the matter. If your child does want to attend the funeral with you, then prepare them ahead of time and during the service with these tips:

Talk About It

Talk about what to expect at the service with your child. Tell them about who will be there, about what people will be wearing and about what happens. If it is in a church then explain that they need to be quiet and listen. If it is in a cemetery, then let them know the appropriate way to behave. If there is an open casket, then prepare your child for this sight. Discuss the right way to behave and the wrong way. Let them know that people may be crying and this is okay. Also, remind them that being silly and laughing during the service is not acceptable behaviour.

Let Your Child Lead

If your child is comfortable seeing the body in a casket, then let them. Just make sure you go with them and that they know that you are there. This should be the case with all the activities planned during the funeral service. If your child feels comfortable they may want to make a speech or have some photos taken. Or, they may choose to stay by your side and only watch the events. Let then tell you how they feel. Don’t pressure them into doing anything. This can be a difficult time and forcing your child to make a speech or view the body can leave them feeling even more anxious and afraid of death.

Involve Your Child

There are some things that your child may enjoy helping you with if you are involved in the planning and preparations. For example, let them decide on what tie to wear to the service or what pictures to print out for the programmes.

Do Something Personal

After you have attended the service suggest doing something special just you and your child to remember the departed. You could make a photo collage of all the fun times you had together or you could write a letter to the deceased.

Keep it Brief

Many memorial services can go on and on, especially once the adults have shared a few bottles of wine. Letting your child experience a funeral is one thing but forcing them to remain at a stranger’s home in the company of lots of other strangers can leave them feeling more isolated and confused than ever. So make your rounds, say your goodbyes and then head home.

Always Be There

The most important thing when attending a memorial service for a child is that they know you are always there.  It can be hard to determine how your child is feeling before, during and after the service. But being there is the best way to help them come to terms with their emotions and learn how to appropriately express their feelings about death.