As a working mum, I just don’t have time or inclination to piss half my life away at the supermarket, but your local Coles or Woollies is a magnet for groups of people hellbent on spoiling your shopping experience.

Sometimes it can feel like you are trapped in the lamest video game ever created and you have to defeat these particular human obstacles to make it to the end and win the game. Here are 10 of the the biggest jerks you will encounter at the shops:

1. The Cancer Stick Addict

You know the drill. You fly into the IGA for two litres of milk and a packet of Iced Vo-Vos and stand there agape in the 12-items-or-less checkout queue as a procession of grey-skinned nicotine addicts get served their daily dose of carcinogens ahead of you, even though you were lined up first. It’s only fair, I suppose. The supermarkets are duty-bound to take the money from this army of the undead on behalf of their shareholders before they become the actual dead.

2. The Fruit Thief

While you carefully count every cent on your tight shopping budget, there always seems to be someone in the fruit and veg section that has to try before they buy, jacking up the prices as they go. The concept of stealing is lost on these twits, who feel no shame as they harvest grapes, bananas, punnets of strawberries and entire watermelons right in front of you. Worse still you can see them coughing and sneezing their diseases all over the produce.