Sexual intercourse. Such a clinical, boring, uninspiring term.
It really takes me smack back to the sex-ed classes in school.
I’m sure those classes were provided to educate but honestly, I think they were more intended to scare the bejeezus out of us and lead us to abstain from any kind of sexual activity for the rest of our lives! My mind still shudders with memories of those graphic images that apparently were necessary to share. Yeeucch!!
Now in my circle of friends and acquaintances if I said say “I am good to go and ready for some sexual intercourse tonight with my man!” I would be shut down and probably give them ample years of taking the piss on my behalf. Not something I’m willing to hand them on a plate oh no sir-ee!.
Now if I were to substitute ‘sexual intercourse’ with a “roll in the hay”, “to go bump uglies”, or “getting some horizontal tango action”, not one single eyebrow would be raised.
Slang terms for sex have been used right throughout history. It seems that it’s been acceptable and really, kind of expected to get a little creative when describing the act of having sex.
Let’s take a look through some of the more comical terms that our forefathers (and mothers) came up with.
Thanks to Green’s Dictionary of Slang which covers hundreds of years of common talk, vulgarity and jargon, I now present to you……
A timeline of slang terms for the act of sexual intercourse!!!
- Give someone a green gown (1351). Now, after the initial what the hell??, I now am putting my interpretive cap on and making the presumption this was a reference to having a roll in the hay, but the hay was green and probably grass and now you look like a walking taking turn farm.
- Play nug-a-nug (1505)
- Play the pyredewy (1512)
- Play at Couch quail (1521)
- Ride below the crupper (1578). Not sure what to make of this one. A crupper is a strap that is bucked to a saddled and looped under the horses tail to prevent the saddle moving forward. I’m leaving this one right here!
- Board a land carrack (1604). With a Carrack being a large merchant ship, I don’t know HOW I’d feel being compared to be bloody huge ship!
- Fadoodling (1611). Well isn’t this just fabulously delightful? James VI was the King of England, and fashion was questionable to say the least. It goes to follow the language would be just as gushy. Could you imagine the conversation? “We ride our steeds in the dawning of the day to battle you are requested that none of you partake in any form of fadoodling to retain your energy!” See, it fits a little wanky but fits.
- Put the devil into hell (1616)
- Night physic (1621). I guess it must have been what scholars studied at night right?!
- Princum-prancum (1630). I have no idea what this cryptic turn of phrase means well obviously sex but how?? Who knows but I like it. It’s kind of catchy!
- Culbatizing exercise (1653)
- Join Paunches (1656). Big bellies unite!!
- Dance the Paphian jig (1656)
- Play at tray trip of a die (1660). Say what??
- Dance Barnaby (1664). The Barnaby is a lively little dance with quick and uneven movement. I can see the similarities here! I’m starting to catch on!
- Shot Twixt wind and water (1665). No no I’ve got no idea again. Apparently twixt means contraction so it seems I really am not catching on. This makes no sense to me. It is wrong though that my mind wondered to a chocolate bar when I read this one?
- Play at rantum-scantum (1667). No this isn’t like paying at Wembly stadium. To quote Grose 1811 Dictionary Pay at rantum-scantum meant ‘making the beast with two backs’. Of course.
- Blow of the groundsills (1674)
- Play hey gammer cook (1674)
- Join giblets (1680). Teeeehehehe. I do like this one it sounds just a little wrong. Athough it doesn’t make sense as giblets are the liver, heart, gizzard or neck of a fowl but I’m thinking the definition may not have been the same back then.
- Play at rumpscuttle and clapperdpouch (1684)
- Lerricompoop (1694). How’s about some lerricompoop you nincompoop??
- Ride a dragon upon St. George (1698) – Is that like ‘ride a cock horse to Baneberry Cross?’ “¦wait.. what exactly is THAT rhyme about? I am suss on everything now!
- Houghmagandy (1700)
- Pogue the hone (1719)
- Make feet for children’s stockings (1785). Say what??
- Dance the Kipples (1786)
- Have one’s corn ground (1800). Ooooh raunchy! Though if corn is the first thing that came to mind when describing one’s penis you need to seek medical advice STAT!!
- Horizontal refreshment (1863)
- Arrive at the end of the sentimental journey (1896)
Being ‘strayan it really is a prerequisite that you are fluent in slang the more obscure the better. There are so many different sexual innuendoes’s taken from history I am personally thinking of re-birthing some of these into my everyday language.
Modern Slang Terms for Sex
Now we fast-forward to some of the more modern terms for intercourse – ones you have probably heard of!
To Sleep With
A Rogering
Shag
Hump
Get Laid
Get Lucky
Go All the Way
Make the Best with the Two Backs
Slap and Tickle
Tap Dat Ass
Ride the Flagpole
Sexy Time
Quickie
Pound the Punnani Pavement
Nooner
Jamming the Clam
Jiving
Jumping Bones
Mattress Dancing
Poking Squid
Posting a Letter
Nookie
Smang (it)
Poke
Screw
Ball’s Deep
Do the Nasty
Bump Fuzzies
Bump Uglies
Bump Nasties
Horizontal Bump
Horizontal Bop
Hot Beef Injection
Know in the Biblical Sense
Hide the Salami
A Bit of Crumpet
Adult Naptime
How’s Your Father
Baking the Potato
Bandicooting
Banana in the Fruit Salad
Rumpy Pumpy
Sexy Time
Shocking the Monkey
Tubular Wedging
Smush
Knock Boots With
Shaft
Bang
Fuck
Balling
Assault with a Friendly Weapon
Bedroom Rodeo
Bonking
Boning
Boom Boom
Cave Diving
Checking the Oil
Buttering the Biscuit
Feeding Kitty
Fishing for Kippers
Fletching
Fenorking
Gutsticking
Up to Your Nuts in Guts
Going All the Way
Netflix and Chill
Boink
The Humpty Hump