10 Easy Ways To Annoy Your Mother-in-Law on Christmas Day

Christmas Day isn’t always pleasurable.

It’s a time when many of us feel obligated to spend it with ‘family’ even if you’d rather be spending it with friends.

It’s par for the course unfortunately and we often have to pretend like we actually give a fuck about our in-laws. Even when they’re horrible people.

Don’t let it ruin your Christmas Day altogether. Look at it as an opportunity to get a little bit of your own back. Fuck your mother-in-law’s snide comments about your ineffective parenting style.

Show her just how much you don’t care about her with some of these sneaky and genius Christmas Day antics to ruin hers and make yours bearable.

1. ‘Tis the season’ of course.

Gift giving is a must and purchasing a tasteless inappropriate present for your mother-in-law is the perfect way to say ‘Fuck You’ given the circumstances. If she’s easily embarrassed and you literally give 0 fucks about the consequences, may I suggest the largest dildo you can find in the sex shop? Upon her opening the gift, let her know that you were hoping a little action in the bedroom will curb her uptight attitude.

If you’d prefer to be a little more subtle, you can always purchase a gift you know she’d hate. Buy her that coffee machine even though you know she doesn’t drink it. Ensure you emphasise what a great present you think it is just to displease her further. Other suggestions for subtly annoying gifts are scratchies already scratched, something she already has or a hideous ornament or artwork you relentlessly ask about when visiting.

This one for example would be a FANTASTIC treat for your MIL 

2. Food.

If your mother-in-law hates a specific food then ensure you include it in your Christmas Day share plate addition. You can always say you weren’t aware, or you forgot she didn’t like it of course. But where’s the fun in that? Tell her straight to her face you weren’t down about her sharing how terrible she thinks your cooking is, so you made something you knew she wouldn’t eat. Boom!

3. Comment on the way she looks when you arrive.

Most mothers tend to make a bit of effort on Christmas Day to appear festive. A little makeup, some Christmas earrings and maybe even a pretty dress. Why not ruin her day right from the get go by telling her how terribly tired she looks. You could also comment on her expensive Christmas earrings by asking which of the grandchildren made them. Maybe even let her know the colour she’s wearing probably isn’t the most suitable for her skin tone. It’s sure to put her in a mood and hopefully, she won’t talk to you for the rest of the day; if you’re lucky.

4. Running commentary when opening her gifts.

As your mother-in-law opens her gifts, you could make comments about each of them as they appear. For instance, as she unwraps her new towels, mention how you thought someone would have purchased that new anti-aging cream; she could really honestly use some right? Maybe when her favourite cookbook is unveiled you could say ‘Well… not sure you need any more food inspo. Your bottom isn’t getting any smaller is it Susan?’ Then laugh loudly at the end pretending it’s a joke.

5. Comment on your mother-in-law’s cooking.

It’s likely if you’re at your in-law’s house, your dear mother-in-law has done a majority of the cooking. Take a spoonful of her signature dish and gasp loudly advising the rest of the family you found a hair in it. Ask her if the cream she used was off in her dessert and whether the fruit was overripe because the pavlova seems to taste funny. Then go about asking everyone else if they think so too. You’ll know this has worked by looking at the vagina on her forehead as she scowls at yours with contempt.

6. Don’t help.

I know at my place on Christmas Day, everyone seems to pitch in and clear away the lunch dishes. Well, if you really want to piss off your mother-in-law; don’t. Grab yourself a drink and plonk down in front of the telly and don’t move. Make it obvious that you’re not helping by yelling out you would but you’re just too stuffed to move. Maybe even add in, ‘It looks like you have everything under control there, Carol’ and she’ll be whinging about you for sure after you leave. #winning

7. Or…of course you could help.

And by help, I mean do the dishes and make sure you put every item away in the wrong place. Mums tend to have a specific way of doing things and making sure everything has its place; especially in the kitchen. Put cups where the plates go and cutlery with the utensils. You could even put that special serving platter away in the corner overhead cupboard no-one ever opens. Your monster-in-law won’t be able to find it next time she entertains and it will be a continuous source of irritation for your in-law. Which is just the way you like it.

8. Make conversations awkward or uncomfortable.

You could bring up that time your mother-in-law forgot to pick up her son from kindy and other parenting fails you know about. You could ask her for sex advice and question why it is she thinks your partner’s libido is so high. Then wink at her as you lead your partner to the laundry. Ask her about the ingredients to her signature Christmas Day dish and then proceed to tell her your mother makes it better. Maybe even bring up a topic you know she’s passionate about and disagree with her on purpose. There’s so many options when it comes to conversation, but just make sure you choose topics you know she isn’t keen to discuss and be relentless in your pursuit to make her talk about them.

9. Butt in.

Every time your mother-in-law tries to make conversation or comment during your Christmas Day, talk over the top of her. You could apologise to make it seem unintentional just for the added drama. However, when she wants anyone’s attention, purposely start a conversation over hers and completely ignore her intent. It’s bound to piss her off no end and she may even say something to you about it. You can provide her with an insincere apology and continue doing it all day. There’s just no limits to how many times you can annoy her with this one.

10. Run late.

If your mother-in-law is cooking Christmas Day, it’s likely she has her lunch timing down to a fine art. Everyone needs to be there at a particular time to ensure the food is served at exactly the right moment. There is no effort involved in this one at all. Just don’t turn up when you say you will. If lunch is at 12.30pm, turn up at 2. And if you really want to piss her off, leave it later or just don’t turn up at all. Send continuous text messages so she’s anticipating your arrival, that way she’ll hold the food. Eventually, she’ll get sick of it and serve the food anyway and you will have effectively ruined lunch. It’s literally that easy.

So, if you’re keen on turning your mother-in-law’s Christmas Day into shambles, give one of the above a crack. You can usually come off smelling like roses even if your intentions are deliberate. But, if that really isn’t something you’re concerned about, fuck it. Go all out and be as difficult as you possibly can for the entire family to see. If you’re lucky enough, you won’t be invited back again next Christmas and you can spend it how you want and with people you actually like for a change.

Merry Christmas.. or NOT.