Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Married

Divorce is a pretty common phenomenon in the modern world, with around one in three Australian marriages ending in divorce.

In the United Kingdom, the divorce rate is even higher, with around 42% of UK marriages ending in divorce, and a rise in divorces among those aged 50-64. Now, two divorce lawyers have spoken to the Daily Mail about what they’ve learned after decades of refereeing the closure of many high-profile marriages.

Here’s what they think to keep marriages working.

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1. Be Cooperatively Tidy

When couples are divorcing, it’s amazing how often the topic of cleanliness comes to light. To the cleaner partner, the dirty dishes and disarrayed clothing were clear signs of laziness and contempt. On the other side of the coin, the cleaner partner’s need to constantly primp and polish could drive the other partner to the edge of madness.

Without careful consideration and conversation, cleanliness is something that can become a serious firestarter, with an uncomfortable parent-child relationship of rule-breaking and nagging arising.

The Fix: The key to getting past this is being willing to compromise on both sides. The less tidy partner must agree to pitch in and help in order to keep spaces clean, but in exchange, the cleaner partner should also be willing to let some things slide. Remember, you need to think about how important it is to chase your ideal all the time, and whether it’s worth the inevitable argument.

2. Have Solo And Shared Interests

In some cases, having shared interests can bring a lot of depth and happiness into a relationship, but the fact is that with many partners not meeting each other until later in life, there are some interests that will always be solo. This is important, but it’s also important to have an open discussion about how to manage those interests, both in terms of finance and time management.

The Fix: If the hobby of one partner is incredibly time-consuming, eats at the budget, or does both, it’s something that needs to be discussed. While you shouldn’t expect your partner to drop their hobbies, particularly if you won’t drop yours, there might be room to dial back a little bit.

3. Always Make Time For Sex

While a lack of sex in itself might not be the catalyst for a marriage breakup, according to divorce lawyers anyway, it is generally among the factors that will eventually lead to divorce. According to the lawyers, conflicts about money, children, and lifestyle tend to be considered as more important than diminishing intimacy, but sex still has a place.

The Fix: What happens inside of the bedroom tends to be related to what is going on outside of it, so if you’re having issues with your partner, they are likely to lead to a lack of intimacy. Take the time to build your relationship up in many ways, not just intimate ones, before calling it a lost cause.

4. Understand The Importance Of Saying Sorry

When the divorce lawyers spoke to the Daily Mail, they admitted they were often surprised at how forgiving people could be in their relationships. In fact, often, people in relationships forgive their significant other much more readily than they would forgive their other family or friends. But, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, and people do tend to recall in great detail instances where they feel they have been hurt by those they love.

The Fix: Combat long-term resentment by being considerate as a rule more than as an exception. Help out, say thank you, listen to issues, and always mean it when you apologize. You’re almost guaranteed to hurt your partner at some point, but apologizing helps stop the damage that hurt can do.

5. Know How To Deal With Conflict

Conflict is an inevitable part of any relationship, and marriages are no different. So, instead of trying to avoid conflict altogether, couples need to know how to deal with conflict in an effective way that results in a resolution for both parties. In some eyes, including the divorce lawyers in this story, some conflict is actually necessary, with indifference being the sign that a marriage is doomed.

Of course, it’s important to remember that conflict should always be functional, and involve no violence or abuse of any kind, emotional or otherwise.

The Fix: Talk with your partner about how you would like to see conflicts resolved, and always take care not to let anger get the better of you. Yelling and screaming, humiliating your partner, and actively trying to hurt them are not effective conflict methods. Rather, you should work to discuss the issue, and reach a resolution both parties are happy with, even if you need to take a break in the middle to cool down.

What do you think it takes to create a successful marriage?