All About Polygamy

The word ‘Polygamy’ is Greek, meaning ‘often married’.  

The practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time has been practised for centuries, but has mostly been eliminated from modern Western society.

History of Polygamy

History shows that since the beginning of agriculture in civilisations including China, India, Middle East and some of Western Europe, those men with the most land and resources and therefore the highest social status and influence typically had hundreds, sometimes 1000’s of wives!! Unfortunately, this left the poor men with no wives at all.  Some biblical characters apparently also had multiple wives King David had 6 and King Solomon had 700.

This is history, but what is the reality in the 21^st Century?

Polygamy in Modern Society

Within the Islamic culture, the Quran states that a man may take up to 4 wives, but only if he can support and treat them all equally. Commonly, it is the most affluent only that can afford to have multiple wives. These days, younger Muslims are becoming more westernised and tend to view polygamy as old-fashioned.

Polygamy is illegal in many countries including Australia, but is practised informally. In some cases, the first wife would be legally married and any other wives common law or de facto. There is a long standing and legitimate cultural norm in some indigenous Australian, African and religious communities.

The Benefits of Polygamy

Indigenous Australians who practise polygamy believe that it helps to form larger clans and stronger families, importantly, all women must be treated equally.

Children having grown up in polygamous families cite the positives in having a large family with lots of siblings. Women themselves say that this type of relationship can act as an inbuilt deterrent to infidelity, help with household chores, children and companionship seen as positives. However, there are also the negatives where jealousy between the wives causes distress to children who may fear their father will leave their mother for the other wife.

The Dark Side of Polygamy

Polygamy does have its dark side also. In the US, it is commonly practised amongst fundamentalist Mormon groups who believe that polygamy is the divine principle reflecting god’s wish that his people should be ‘fruitful and to multiply’. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in some instances abuses occur, such as, marrying minors, marriages between close relatives or physical and sexual abuse. Cases have been brought to court for rape and been successful.

In addition, traumatised individuals who have left, or escaped as some would put it, say that this type of family structure crushes female independence, with husbands being the absolute authorities. Wives depend so heavily on the husband that they often lack life skills to enable them to live separately. Polygamous relationships may be all they have ever known having grown up in one and then marrying into another, making it almost impossible to find a way out.

How Does it Work?

As you can see, polygamy is almost exclusively the domain of men with some minor exceptions. It is practised in Nepal amongst the Nyinba people where it is the women who are allowed multiple husbands. When the woman marries her husband, she marries all of his brothers too literally! The entire family cares for the children and each other, and the marriage structure concentrates the wealth and resources of all the brothers into one big family as well as including their parents land and wealth.

Does it seem that men in these relationships want their cake and to eat it too? Can someone really love two people equally and treat them the same in a physical and emotional relationship?

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