How To Ask Your Partner To Change Things Up In The Bedroom

When you’re in a long-term, or even a short-term, relationship, things can get comfortable pretty quickly in the bedroom.

A couple’s sex life tends to fall into a familiar routine, which over time can get boring.

So it’s no surprise that people often feel like they want to change things up a little bit when it comes to their bedroom antics. But where to start? It can be difficult to approach your partner about spicing things up, especially if you’ve never done it before, you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings, or you are unsure of what you want.

Here are some suggestions to get that conversation flowing.

1. Talk More

One of the hardest things that people find when they want to make a change in the bedroom is starting the conversation. But if you’re eager to flip the switch on your routine you won’t get anywhere without first having a chat with your partner. It doesn’t have to be long or serious, it just has to be a starting point. You have to remember that if you’re thinking about it, your partner may be as well, so be honest with them. Share that you feel your relationship isn’t as sizzling as it used to be, and go from there.

2. Don’t Insult or Criticise

It’s important to remember that when you’re talking about how you want things to change in your sex life, that you don’t insult or criticise. At the end of the day, a sexual rut is not solely the responsibility of one partner, and blaming doesn’t get anybody anywhere. Instead of criticising the other person’s past performance, try to talk about what you want to do in the future.

3. Be Clear About What Is Off Limits

Having your partner refuse an idea, particularly one that you’re very curious about or interested in trying, can make you feel less motivated to suggest new things. That’s why when you’re encouraging change in your sex life, it’s important to be clear from the start about what you definitely aren’t interested in. When you’re sitting down with your partner and talking about what you want to change, be honest about stuff that definitely doesn’t sit right with you, and what they aren’t interested in trying.

4. Start With Small Changes

Drastic changes in the scope of your sex life are more likely to be difficult to maintain than they will be spark-inducing. Much like overhauling your diet or exercise routine, making changes to your sex life is best done with little things. Try to embrace a different approach by having sex at a different time of day, in a different place, or for different lengths of time (i.e. a quickie or an entire quiet evening spent being intimate).

5. Put More Time Into Foreplay

As time goes on, couples tend to put less effort into foreplay, and more focus into the deed itself. This is a bad habit to get into because high quality foreplay is one of the best ways to improve sexual satisfaction for both parties. Really focusing on good foreplay means you’re being attentive to your partner’s needs and emotions, so make some time for foreplay without sex, and see how you go.

6. Play With The Senses

It’s amazing how powerful our senses are in terms of how we interpret and experience a certain stimuli. Mess with your senses and your partner’s by focusing on just one sense for a change. For example, you could make eye contact during sex, play around with different textures on parts of the body, such as with a silk tie or a soft feather. You can even deprive the senses by using a blindfold.

7. Ban The Familiar Stuff

One way to make sure you don’t fall straight back into old patterns is to ban yourself from doing your favourite, and familiar, moves all together. With your partner, identify your favourite positions, the ones that you tend to default back to, and aim to have one night, one week or even one month where you don’t do those positions. This will encourage you to try new things, and help to maintain an attitude of change in your sex lives.

8. Keep Lines Of Communication Open

We’ve already covered starting the conversation, but what comes next is equally important: You need to keep lines of communication open. People get into ruts by not speaking up about the fact that they’re feeling bored or unsatisfied, and just because you’ve got out of a rut once, doesn’t mean you’ll never fall into one again. At the end of the day, we are pattern-seeking mammals, and that’s just what we do. So make sure you keep an open and honest dialogue with your partner about your sex life, wherever it takes you.