How To Survive A Relationship With An Addict

The path from addiction is a hard journey to walk, both for the addict and those that love them.

For many, it’s hard to imagine trying to maintain and grow a loving and trusting relationship with someone who is an addict, but it’s the reality for people all over Australia and the world. It’s not impossible, but it is a challenge.

Here are a few simple steps that might help you survive.

1. Accept the reality

Reality can be a hard thing to come to terms with. This is particularly true if the reality of your life is that you love someone who is chained to their addictive behaviours. This is a state of being where you aren’t always in control, and it’s hard to accept.

Addiction comes in many forms. Some common addictions includes drugs and alcohol, which are mind altering, as well as mood altering addictions like eating disorders, smoking, compulsive overspending, internet addicts, codependency in relationships, pornography and gambling.

Now, the first step in accepting the reality of loving an addict is to understand that you might not be able to help them. Getting outside help is almost always necessary, particularly if you want to protect your own mental health from the destructive behaviours of an addict. There will be many decisions to be made, and it’s not always going to be up to you to make them, even though you want to help. In many ways it will be out of your hands.

Once you accept this, it’s easier to see the path forward in which you can work together with the addict in your life, without controlling them and destroying your relationship.

2. Avoid being the enabler

If you are making efforts to shield your loved one from results of their behaviour, then you are being an enabler. Under normal circumstances, enablers often mean well and they will try to clean up the mess behind the addict. In the end, the enabler will be protecting the addict from facing the consequences of their addiction, which delays their recovery.

When you stop the addict from seeing the damage they’re doing to themselves and others, you are only helping them to live in denial without seeing the true effects of their addiction. When you cease enabling, the addict will be forced to face the true consequences of their actions and perhaps take actions toward responsible behaviour. Sometimes it’s scary to stop being an enabler but it is a risk we should be ready to take in order to change.

3. Accept the addiction is beyond your control

Often the loved ones of addicts work hard to ignore this fact, but the sooner you acknowledge it, the better. You cannot single-handedly fix the addicted partner. You cannot coddle, nag or love a person out of addiction. You can only be in control of yourself and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you will begin to learn that you cannot control your partner’s addictive behaviours.

You also need to accept that, no matter what the addict might say in the midst of their destructive behaviours, you are not responsible for who they have become. Addicts are not forced into their addiction by anything other than their own choices, and there’s no way that you can be blamed for that. By accepting this, you can move away from blame, and into a mindset of supporting them through their recovery.

4. Be careful not to be manipulated

Addicts have grown to become professional manipulators in order for them to get what they want. In the midst of an addictive cycle most addicts will do anything to get their way.

Remember, do not let yourself to be manipulated. Your significant other may decide to lie, cheat, blame or rage when you refuse to submit to their demands. When you give in to their demand, you are only making the manipulation worse in the future and you are not helping yourself or your partner. Stand your ground and they will soon realise that there is no way they are going to manipulate you and that they need to give up.

5. Understand addiction realistically

Addiction now isn’t like it used to be. Today, social attitudes have changed towards addiction. Even though there is still social stigma attached to being an addict, there is also an increased awareness regarding the positive effects of recovery and the importance of supporting a recovering person. Along with the increased social awareness, there has also been a positive shift due to a better understanding of addiction as a disease.

However, addiction is still unlike many other illnesses in that it has a very high relapse rate. Even if your partner believes they can pull themselves out of an addiction, most addicts only recover with professional help over time.

If your loved one does not get help, there’s a high chance you will eventually be forced to leave the relationship in order to keep your sanity. Of course, even if they get help the road to recovery can be a bumpy one, with relapse always a possibility. It is crucial that you set boundaries with your partner and learn to support them as they walk down the road of sobriety. Remember, even the slightest instance of substance abuse can send your partner back into a full relapse. Therefore, vigilance is paramount.

6. Consider Yourself

Considering yourself is not a selfish action. Remember, you cannot be of any help to your partner if you are emotionally, psychologically and physically overdrawn. At the same time as supporting your loved one you need to make sure you’re meeting your own needs. Focus on eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising.

Remember, you are the only person responsible for yourself, just as the addict in your life is responsible for their own choices. If you don’t take care of yourself, there might not be anyone to help you out.

At the end of the day it’s important to remember that being in a relationship with an addict is not an easy task and the road to recovery can be long.

But as long as you are realistic and you approach the relationship with a sane and healthy mind, there is often a chance to repair the damage of addiction.