There are a lot of modern parenting behaviours that raise eyebrows, but there are few that raise as many pitchforks as Gender Neutral Parenting.

The practice is one that is guaranteed to make headlines and either get the mob baying for the head of the parent who is inflicting such a lifestyle on their kids, or have large groups of people shaking their head and saying: I just don’t get it. We wanted to dig a little deeper into the concept of gender neutral parenting, look at some extreme cases, and clear up exactly what the movement is designed to do.

What Is Gender Neutral Parenting?

There are different degrees of gender neutral parenting, as you’ll discover later in this article, but generally, the concept is about not forcing society’s preconceived notions of gender onto your child. The practice aims to help kids find their own spot on the gender spectrum that isn’t influenced by what others around them think they should be.

Now, this doesn’t mean that gender parenting is about creating an androgynous or gender-free child or world. Parents aren’t trying to ensure their children have no gender, but rather a gender that they’re comfortable with. Gender neutral parenting is also not just for gay or trans kids, nor will a gender neutral parenting approach somehow ‘turn’ your child gay or trans. Research has shown, and continues to show that there are strong genetic components in homosexuality, it’s not something that can be trained in.

Is It A Good Idea?

We do live in a gender obsessed world, so you can definitely see why gender neutral parenting has come into the public eye. Parents don’t want to think that their children are being pigeonholed into a certain gender if that means that they’ll be limited in terms of what they can accomplish in their lives. Another aspect that’s driving gender neutrality is the pressure that different genders are under in society, which can lead to undue stress on the young people trying to develop in these conditions.

These issues affect both boys and girls, so it’s not really surprising that parents are seeing the positives of gender parenting. We think that, when it’s done right, it’s a great idea that can really help kids to get a better idea of their true self, not just the person they have to be because of their gender. Of course, that doesn’t mean that the concept can’t be taken too far.

At The Extreme End

Some parents have taken the concepts of gender neutral parenting to a totally new extreme, getting the attention of the media and generally turning other parents off the parenting style all together.

British parents Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper were the first to really bring gender neutral parenting into the limelight. When their child Sasha was born, they decided not to tell anyone but their close family what the baby’s gender was.

Instead people referred to Sasha as ‘the infant’ and there were no gendered gifts, clothing or expectations. Then when school enrollment came around, Sasha’s mum felt that it was too difficult to continue to hide her child’s gender, making it one of the latest gender reveals ever.

Internet critics and parenting experts tore her and her husband to pieces over how they had raised their son for five years of his life, which included them allowing him to dress in girls clothing, and now even girls school uniforms. When news broke of what they had done, there were calls for Sasha to be removed from their care, despite the fact that Sasha himself seemed not to have any problems with his somewhat unusual upbringing.

Sasha’s case was followed just a few years later with that of baby Storm, whose parents Kathy Witterick and David Stocker decided that they too didn’t want to share their child’s gender. The couple, from Toronto, have two other children, one of whom identifies as trans. Again, the internet came out in force, some accusing the couple of submitting their children to a social experiment, while others proclaimed loudly that the practice was child abuse.

The Middle Ground

We do think that these parents might have taken it a few big steps too far, despite the fact that their intentions may have been good. As we said earlier, we do live in a society that is saturated with gender, but perhaps instead of looking at being gender neutral we should reframe the issue.

Instead of a focus on gender neutrality that avoids gender altogether, parents who are interested in avoiding gender limitations should be more focused on overcoming gender stereotypes by actively discussing them with their kids. This means talking about what it might mean in society to be one gender or another, as well as what it means for your child to be that gender. That way kids aren’t just informed on what their birth gender is, they also know that their gender shouldn’t have any impact on how they’re treated by their peers, what they should be interested in, what activities they can do, or what their potential might be.

You can’t avoid that fact that we live in a gendered world, but by avoiding harsh gender stereotypes, you might be giving your kids an edge in a limited world.