So Your Teen Daughter is Pregnant: What Now?

So your daughter has come home and told you that she is pregnant.  

Your first instinct might be to yell about birth control or being careful.  BUT DON’T.

Hug your daughter.  She has come to you for help, she is vulnerable and she is your daughter.

Below are some guidelines to help you through this difficult time and prepare for this life changing event.

Respect her Decision

Remember that this baby is in her body, and it is 100% her decision as to what she wants to do.  Help her make the right decision for her by talking about the options without involving your personal opinion, and then respecting her wishes. Communicate with her throughout the pregnancy to help her come up with the best solutions. Even if you don’t agree with her baby name choices or her nursery theme, you need to focus on the big picture and that it ensuring that she feels supported during this process.

Be a Mum to Your Daughter

At the end of the day, even if your baby is set to have a baby, you are still Mum. It’s still okay to ensure that your daughter eats right, that she gets enough sleep and that she doesn’t stay out too late. It is also okay to hassle her about completing her homework and attending her prenatal classes. Many parents feel like once their own child is pregnant, they are no longer their baby but this is not the case. You still need to keep up with your parental duties, even if there has been a minor bump on the road.

Make an After Baby Plan

Pregnancy is the easy part. It’s after the baby is born that things become increasingly difficult and the big decisions need to be made. Things like, how will she support the baby, how will she finish school, where will the baby sleep, how will the baby be raised are decisions that should be made before baby comes.  The most important things are that the baby is safe and comfortable and that your daughter is still able to achieve her goals, even if these goals need to be adjusted. For example, going to University out of state may be off the table for now but perhaps a community college/TAFE closer to home would be more suitable?

Stay Positive

This is a scary and confusing time for everyone, especially your daughter. You most likely feel angry, upset and disappointed in your daughter for making a bad decision but you need to stay strong and not let these emotions get the better of you. You need to be there for her. Try to think about how she feels and push past those negative thoughts to focus on supporting her and helping her through this difficult time. She most likely already feels ashamed and like a disappointment without you constantly telling her. So, even if you do feel disappointed and upset, try not to let these bad feelings escape around your daughter or the baby.  Right now, what is best for everyone is to work together and remain positive for the baby.