4. Focus On Behaviour, Not Character

When you’re talking to your teen about their behaviour, particularly when you’re doing so in a disciplinary way, one of the best ways to avoid getting sucked into confrontation is to focus on their behaviour, not on their character. So, don’t say “you’re being so rude”, say “I’m feeling hurt because of what you said”. Make sure you have clear examples for your ‘because of’ sentences, and don’t generalise or group in any way (i.e. “you’re always like this”, “you never do this”).

5. Don’t Be A Hypocrite

If you have ever opened your mouth and told your teenager a story about something crazy, stupid or dangerous you did when you were a teen, you really haven’t got a leg to stand on when they do the same. Drinking stories, crazy nights out, and bad teenage decisions are often mythologised by adults, and kids are always listening. So if you’re a storyteller, you need to be upfront with your kid. You can’t be a total hard-ass if you’re going around telling them your own life was otherwise. It only encourages more pushing back.

6. Be Willing To Let Some Things Go

There are some teen behaviours that probably aren’t worth getting your knickers in a bunch over. Things like exaggerated sighs, eye-rolling and mumbled responses can be super annoying, but they are just your teenager’s way of trying to get on top of the system. Don’t let them! Just allow yourself to let all those little annoyances go, and show your teenager that you’re the more mature one, suited to being the adult in your relationship.

7. Praise Good Behaviour

Of course, the key with any teenager, and really any person, is to praise the good stuff when it comes along. Not only does it help everyone move on from the bad stuff, it helps reinforce to teenagers the kind of behaviour that is expected. Kids like being celebrated, provided the celebration is something they enjoy. So if their behaviour remains good, they should be rewarded with something that encouraged them to keep it going. Just like with your consequences, keep your rewards consistent and well-matched to their achievements.