Superwoman Hits The Wall

Go Frozen!

Is it ok to let the perfection slide? To have the nights when everyone falls asleep together and the kitchen has to be cleaned up in the morning? Yep. You bet it is. Just the same as it is ok to leave the breakfast dishes in their place until you get home from a day out of school drop-off and pick-ups, playgroup and grocery shopping. It may not be pleasant, neither are pap-smears, but some things just have to happen from time to time. If you’re a person who loves a clean slate every morning, (I don’t know who doesn’t get a kick out of that) you won’t love it, but it won’t mean your day will go downhill or that everything else must be put on hold until you tidy up. Do an Anna and Elsa and let it go, it’ll get done, life will go on, you can still have a great day, and besides, falling asleep with your babes and catching up on some much-needed zzz’s is well worth a messy kitchen!

Where To Start?

I had a lot of help from a beautiful lady who was a midwife, and now a life coach, to overcome my post-natal depression, irrational fears, and perfectionist anxiety issues. I kept her quite busy for a while! The main area of focus was my need to make lists every day and have everything ‘just so’ and done by a certain time, for example, in the cold winter months, I liked to close all the blinds by 5pm to keep the warm in (even though we would be turning on the heater) and the encroaching cold out. My evening routine was, with a small baby, changed forever and I didn’t deal well with not being able to keep my old ways.

She taught me three very sensible things:

What other people think of me is none of my business.

This doesn’t mean you don’t care about other people’s point of view, it just means that you don’t worry about what they might think if you haven’t mopped the floor before they visit. You’ll find your friends won’t give a hoot about your floor anyway, they’re visiting you, not your tiles and will feel good that you let them see you as you are and not in perfectionist mode.

If anyone should give you stick about the state of your floors, it’s time for them to find a new friend.

Ask yourself, if something isn’t done just so, is it ok?

The answer is pretty much always ‘yes’. Turns out there are lots of different ways to hang out washing, stack dishwashers and fold clothes. If someone is offering to help with these chores, don’t worry about the details, just let them help then give them a big hug and thank you when they’re done!

It is what it is.

It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t require a meltdown or any added stress. It just is what it is. Move on.

What else did she say?”¦Oh yes”¦

Be spontaneous! I asked if I could make a list of spontaneous things to do. Apparently not”¦ I found that doing something completely unplanned and without preparation is liberating and empowering. Where it used to take me a good 2 hours to pack a bag and get ready to leave the house, now I just check for nappies, wipes, water, snacks, phone and wallet and off we go. I have even been known to leave the house without a change of clothes for my child. Living on the edge I tell you!

Not to leave out the very important part of my life that includes my husband and our alone time. If I don’t happen to have my legs shaved and dress (or undress) for getting our freak on, it’s ok. If the spur-of-the-moment making-out session is given a green light because the kids are asleep at the same time and I happen to be awake, then hey, shaved legs aren’t really the be all and end all, right?

Old Habits And All That”¦

At some point during the day, we experience a lull at our house, this is when the kids are playing happily and not in your face getting you to attach the toy motorbike rider to his toy motorbike for the 50th time or needing help to find missing puzzle pieces. The decision of what to do with this lull time is often a hard one for me.  Do I boil the jug and have a hot cup of tea? No. Tea bags are noisy things and the deafening crash of one hitting a cup of steaming water will instantly alert all children in the vicinity that you are about to attempt a ‘moment for mummy’ and anyway, hot tea probably tastes weird compared to the lukewarm stuff I’m used to now.

Rather than break the spell of the lull, I become an opportunist and pop into the bathroom to have a little clean of the basin, wipe out the toothbrush holder, put a load of towels in the wash and, if a missing person’s search hasn’t been launched by the kids, I might even pluck a stray hair or two from my eyebrows and perhaps pee alone. I didn’t get a cuppa yet, but the bathroom looks nice, the kids are still playing happily and I had a little time alone with my thoughts. It’s a whole lot less than I used to need to do, but these days, it’s enough!

And I have to admit that even with the place not being absolutely spotless, the kids probably needing a referee again pretty soon and forgetting who I am speaking with (I call my husband ‘little buddy’ or ‘kiddo’ when he gets home tonight), I’m really, finally, ok with it all. To me, it is perfect.

Don’t we all need to let it go a little?