Beware Of Stranger Danger

As parents, we know we need to teach our kids about stranger danger. But like most aspects of parenting “” it’s not as straightforward as it seems.

You try to teach a hard and fast rule: don’t talk to strangers. But then what about the exceptions? The guy on the street you greet as you walk past, the lady at the check-out, the new teacher at school and, of course, Santa Claus.

The trick is to teach our kids to be sensible and use their judgement, rather than run away from every person that shows them a smile. We want them to be safe, not scared.

After all, at some point everyone’s a stranger.

Good strangers and bad strangers.

Giving your children a blanket statement, “Stay away from strangers”, isn’t helpful because we talk to strangers every day “” shop assistants, doctors, police and waiters are all strangers. But we do interact with them, and by doing this we’re telling our children that strangers are ok … and most of the time, they are.

So, we need to teach our children when they might be in danger.

However, spotting a predatory stranger isn’t as simple as looking for someone that appears to be mean and nasty. Most people don’t look this way and if they do, they’re probably harmless. Most predators look like normal, nice people.

Beware of the person bearing gifts.

It’s usually someone’s behaviour that clues us into their intentions. If someone is overly familiar, offering treats or surprises, or is coaxing a child away from others, then alarm bells should be ringing. So, teach your children to:

• Judge people by their behaviour, not their appearance,
• Keep a safe distance between themselves and strangers,
• Never accept sweets, treats or gifts from a stranger,
• Never, under any circumstances, go with a stranger, no matter what they say.

Predators often make up stories to entice children away from their friends, family or crowded places. Perhaps there’s a cute animal the child would like to see, or they need directions, or they’ve lost their pet. It could be any number of excuses. Teaching children to ignore these enticements can be tricky.

Talk, practice, repeat.

Start by talking to your children. Let them know that while most people are friendly, some aren’t. Encourage them to trust their feelings. If they don’t feel safe, then they should run away and ask someone for help.

Help them to identify where they can go if they feel they’re in danger. It might be a shop, the police station, a friend’s house or a school. Help them to identify safe places in your neighbourhood. You can point these places out when you drive or walk past them. This will help your child remember where these places are, as well as reinforcing the safety message.

You also need to help your child identify who to go to in an emergency, the police, a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a fireman or an ambulance driver are some ideas. You can make a game of spotting these people when you’re out and about, and by doing so help your child to recognise them and the vehicles they drive. But, also let your child know that if they’re uncomfortable with these people they should find someone else.

Remember that children need practice and repetition. You’ll need to have regular conversations with your child about stranger danger to reinforce the message and help them to remember.

Role-playing can also help your child to remember, and will put your mind at ease that when push comes to crunch your child won’t fall prey. Kids need to know that it’s okay to say no to an adult when they don’t feel comfortable with the situation. Teach them to say “go away”, or “stop” clearly and loudly, and get them to practice in a safe environment so that if they find themselves in danger they know what to do.

Talk and tell.

Let your child know that they’ll never get in trouble for asking for help. If someone they don’t know offers them treats, approaches them in a car, or asks them for help with a task they should step away and loudly say,”No, go away”. It’s always better to be safe.

Likewise, encourage your child not to keep secrets. Teach them to tell the truth, even when they think they might get in trouble, and let them know that they can talk to you about anything. Predators often encourage secrecy.

Safety online

Technology has given predators new avenues to reach children and, particularly with the rise of social media, online safety has become a concern for parents. Children need to know how to stay safe online, including being wary of strangers.

Keep an eye on their online activity, and teach them not to connect with people they don’t know in real life. Let them know that it’s okay not to respond to a message from someone they’ve never met, and make sure they understand the importance of not giving out their personal details. It’s important to discuss online safety with your children and to let them know the reasons if you feel something they’re doing is inappropriate or worrying.

How did you teach your kids to be smart about strangers?