Should Career Women Have To LIE About Their Children?

So when she started her new job, she made no mention of having children at all. When she talks to her co-workers, conversations revolve around a restaurant that her and her husband visited, the clients that she’s working with, or her ‘grown-up’ plans for the weekend. She creates fake meetings to cover the school pick-up, and busy interviews to excuse her from work so she can attend school assembly. When it comes time for holidays, Claire tells her clients she’s “busy on a long-term project” and she makes sure to never answer the phone when her boys are in the room, just in case they give her away with the background noise.

It seems ridiculous to play at this sham life, yet Claire, and many other mums, know that without these half-truths, their career would be in the pits.

Not An Unusual Story

In sharing her own story, Claire also shared some of her friends’ similar tales of the fake work personas that they have created. One 52-year-old friend, who works as a digital copywriter, noted that she never, ever mentions her 13-year-old daughter when talking to clients:

“As a woman you have to be very careful what you reveal about your family life in the workplace if you want to carve out any kind of career.” she said.

“It doesn’t matter how old your children are – it’s assumed they will distract you from the job.”

Another woman, 41-year-old Jenna, said that it’s clear to those in the midst of balancing motherhood with work that times haven’t really changed as much as we’d like to think they have:

“Even when I’ve gone out of my way to show I’m committed to the job in hand, I’ve had comments like, ‘Hmm, but how available will you be?’ and: ‘Would we really be your first priority?’ The bottom line is people see you as unreliable if you dare to have kids. They assume you only have one priority.”

These women aren’t alone. In digging deeper, we found numerous forums where mums had gone to seek advice on what they should or shouldn’t say in job interviews about their children. The resounding answer: don’t mention them.

Even though women admit that the information should not, and legally cannot, be used to decide on whether you will get the job, it’s clear from their experiences that there simply isn’t any way to avoid the truth, which is having kids does matter to employers. Not in the nice, they-care-for-them way, but in the are-they-a-distraction way.

Where’s The Equality?

It seems crazy to think that, in the 21st century, mothers are still being forced to choose between their work and their children. Despite years of evidence that it is possible to do both, battle lines have been drawn, and there seems no change on the horizon. Yet the ridiculous nature of the issue cannot be avoided.

Consider this: Men in job interviews never get asked about their children. Men rarely, if ever, have to field questions about why flexible work schedules are important to them. And men never have to argue why they can be both a present parent and a decent employee.

And you know what? That is not good enough.