Why Shared Care Parenting Agreements Suck Big Hairy Balls

LOVE ME ANYWAY
Because I am sick of people sugar coating shit!

So it’s been just over 12 months since my husband became my ex. We’ve been sharing the children in a 50/50 shared care arrangement for a large portion of that time and it sucks. Aside from realising my youngest child only has 2 more years before starting school and technically only one of those years is spent with me; here’s the very real reason I hate it.

I’M THE MUM!

Why Shared Care Parenting Agreements Suck | Stay At Home Mum — via giphy

We live in a super judgemental society. Mothers are berated for breastfeeding in public. Women who work are still expected to run the household.Women who don’t are still asked what they did all day. Outspoken woman are bitches, bigots and troublemakers. Woman who don’t are condoning gender inequality. If you’re not in similar post baby shape as Michelle Bridges, you’ve let yourself go. If you are, you’re vein and shallow.

And so it goes on.

But really, does any of that shit matter? We are all woman, we are all learning and we are all trying to find our way.

Seriously though, now that I am separated and living a shared care agreement, I can tell you there’s an entirely new level of judgement thrown in the mix. My children are 8, 6 and 2 and generally speaking, the first comment when people find out the arrangement is 50/50 I get, ‘Oh wow, isn’t the 2 year old a little young for that?’ It’s usually followed up with ‘I would never ‘allow’ that to happen’, ‘If that was me it wouldn’t be happening’, ‘I ‘personally’ don’t do that.’ Like saying ‘personally’ makes their comment waaaaay less judgemental.

I totally agree. Those 3 kids should be with me, I have no doubt.

Except”¦”¦”¦.

They have a Dad. A parent who equally adores and loves our children as much as I do. A parent who is entitled to contribute just as much to the upbringing of our children as I am. He’s a Dad who gives a shit. He’s a Dad that knows he has a responsibility and wants to be involved in his children’s lives.

What I get pissed off about the most though is, the differences in judgement passed on both parents in the exact same situation. It’s I believe, mostly based on gender and the role within society we are conditioned to play. My ex is typically adorned the ‘Golden Crown of Father of the Year’, He stepped up to the plate, look at him go, what a great Dad.

Now don’t get me wrong he is a great Dad and our children are lucky.

But; why do I get questioned about how I ‘let’ this happen. Why do woman in particular screw up their faces when I say the children spend a full week with their father. Why do these women imply I am shirking my responsibilities as a mother for ‘allowing’ this to occur? Why do I feel like my situation requires justification the moment 50/50 falls from my mouth?

How about FUCK YOU!

did i ask you to speak | Stay at Home Mum.com.au — via giphy

How about the kids not being possessions and sharing these special little people is a privilege, not a right. How about the father you chose for your kids is a dick and that’s not my situation. How about maybe your ex isn’t a wanker, but the type of arrangement I have just doesn’t work for you. How about you’re just an actual spiteful bitch and think everything’s about you. How about you’re not separated or divorced and the scenario you’re playing in your head is hypothetical, so you have no actual clue what the fuck you would do if you had to walk a day in my shoes.

How about instead of passing me your critical opinion, or your disapproving facial, you just hold my hand, tell me everything is ok and that I am doing the best I can. And while you’re at it a glass of wine fuck it, who am I kidding, we all know at some point I will ask for the bottle.

How about we all stop acting like a pack of judgemental arseholes. Let’s start by building each other up and not tearing each other down. Why not start trying to understand that everyone’s shit is different even if the circumstances seem similar. Why don’t we just support one another and offer a little compassion and tenderness even if what’s happening isn’t exactly how you would deal with it.

Cause you know what? You may hurt my feelings, but your opinion on my situation, my agreement, my choices in life and the way in which I conduct myself is completely irrelevant to the happiness and well-being of my children. Your bullshit comments mean sweet FA until you fully comprehend that all parental agreements, regardless of their guidelines are 100% about the welfare of the children and 0% about the parents themselves.