This is my story* about our struggle with a child that is loving and caring and a split-second later attacks, screams, hurts, is dangerous to other people around them.
Our background is, we have four children; The eldest is a boy and the other three are girls. The older three, are quiet and well behaved. Well, as well behaved as children can be. We have the same tantrums and sulks as everyone else. They are now young adults and teenagers.
Then there is our youngest, she was a good baby. There were no problems until about two years old. She was an early talker, mostly due to having three older siblings. Very outgoing, not shy like the two older girls and no fear. When she was two, I took her to daycare one day a week to mix with others her age.
I explained that she could seem ok and then snap, and get angry but after any incident, she was always remorseful and very upset. Well, four months in, we were asked to leave; she would be good and suddenly bite or hit either a child or staff member.
In the previous years, when my second child was two, she had problems with biting and we were sent to the Positive Parenting Program. It turned out she was frustrated with not being able to communicate, once she could, there was no more biting. So I went back to the course, and tried the same things with our little one.
I know some parents are going to have a fit, but we tried the smacking: she would just look at us as if to say is that all you got. We tried the naughty chair. We tried the positive reinforcing when she was being good. Super Nanny way and Dr Phil. But it always came back to not being able to find the trigger for the attacks and anger. I could always read the other three and would usually be able to see, ok we need to divert the attention to something else before the tantrums or meltdowns.
We then moved towns, and this time, I kept her at home with me. The same thing would happen even with me, she would just lose it. Friends would be very wary about their children coming over because one would know if they would be going home hurt in some way. So back to daycare, one day a week to try again. She tried to climb the fence to get out”¦don’t take this the wrong way, she loved day care, it is just when she got mad she had no impulse control. The daycare was good about it, and got a group called Noah’s Ark to come up and observe her. She was on her best behaviour the day they were there, nothing they could do!
Now, it is time for school, and I went in scared. She got suspended on the third day into prep, for attacking the teacher. I was called up and she was under a kitchen sink sobbing and scared, as a mother, there is nothing worse than your child being so upset and thinking what the hell have I done as a parent, to fail my little girl. So into behaviour management we went, and if she was in a bad mood that morning, she didn’t go to school.
Next step is now changing diet. So we got rid of sugar out of our diets, and preservatives, additives and my gosh, that is an eye opener. Six months later, still no change in behaviour. She couldn’t concentrate at all, disrupted the classroom, it got so bad that two years in to school life, parents actually asked that their child not be in her class. Once again devastated, and she wasn’t happy as she never got invited to play dates or birthdays, and I can see parents looking and thinking what sort of home does that poor little girl come from. My only solace is that my two older girls had gone to this school and the teachers and principal knew that they were good students.
