Guest Post by Alli Weiland

Step children, mixed families, blended families.. A rose by any other name..

Call it what you will, any family dynamic involving step children can be tricky. I, myself, am stepmum to a 6 year old boy, and am constantly finding myself reassessing, questioning and re-evaluating our relationship. I’ll start at the beginning..

These thoughts stem from a particularly trying day. My partner is at work and I’ve been caring for our 5 month old baby and his six year old son from a previous relationship. It’s 3am and I’m watching Greys Anatomy feeding the bub and a character line got me to thinking about our family dynamics. When my partner and I first met, he came with a son. All subsequent encounters included his child, and I knew that any developing relationship would include this little boy. So to say that I entered this blindly would be a lie, I knew what was involved. What I didn’t appreciate at the time was the complexities involved in incorporating a child into your life – something I better understand now.

Step children won’t immediately recognise you as the new partner. It takes time and effort to gain trust and respect, for both parties. To think that a loving relationship can evolve immediately is foolish, something I’ve come to realise the long way. I’m happy to say that my stepson and I now enjoy a happy relationship, but it is not without its trials and tribulations.

At the beginning, I was a novelty to my stepson, and he to me. I enjoyed spending time with him and indulged him frequently hoping to form a fast bond. Children are clever, they can pick a fraud from a mile away and this happy honeymoon didn’t last forever. What I quickly discovered was a little boy who understood I would be part of his life, but didn’t know how to fit me into his every day existence. I wasn’t Mum, nor should I be.. But you play a type of parental role. And it is difficult for both parties to understand how this fits into their reality. I was the imposter, interrupting a life with his father, and he was the tiny human whom I was desperately trying to win over.

A few years later, and with much effort on my part and his, we have a stable, and I hope, loving relationship. The birth of my own child impacted this relationship greatly, and it is a credit to my stepson that it was a positive change. He loves his little brother, and his tiny baby sibling adores him. The dice could have fallen very differently, but so far, so good. And at the end of the day, it boils down to patience and a butt load of hard work. And as Dr Karev (Grey’s Anatomy) so inspiringly stated, “You show up, you suit up and you play, cause it’s your frickin’ team”.

And I love my little team.

Alli is a Mummy of baby boy Fletchy Poo who is the brightest new joy in his whole families life.