Mummy Guilts

Urgh”¦ the Mummy Guilts have come again!!

I don’t know about you but these damn Mummy Guilts hit me so hard at times it’s ridiculous. Funnily enough it’s got nothing to do with not letting my kids do or have something, or for rousing on them because that only ever happens when it’s needed and to be honest our kids are pretty well behaved majority of the time.

It happens to me when I consider doing something for myself. I know to some of you this may seem silly but it’s the honest to god truth! If I even consider getting the kids babysat so I could go out to dinner or a movie with Hubby or for a catch up with some girlfriends I almost immediately dismiss it due to the sheer mass of guilt that crashes over me. Heavens forbid if I need a haircut! I usually end up either cutting it myself or wearing it up”¦A LOT!

I always have this inner voice rambling on about how I could be spending that time doing something else with/for the kids or taking them somewhere or there’s the other side of it, where I think of a list of things longer than my arm that I could be using my “spare time” (I use the term very loosely there!) to complete. Or of course there’s the whole “well the funds that I’d use on that can be/should be used elsewhere” and  not to mention that I’d feel bad dumping them on their hard working Daddy after his long shifts just so I could go relax.

Don’t get me wrong I often daydream of going shopping without children hanging off me or having to take a nappy bag or being able to go buy a beautiful new dress and gorgeous high heels to wear to a function that I’ll ACTUALLY attend. Or how nice it would be to go to a massage parlour or day spa. But it’s been over five years since I became a mother and nine years since I took on the role of adopted Mother to my beautiful (now nearly 21 year old) niece and although it’s been tiring and really tough at times, I’ve managed to make it this far without those luxuries. I have happy kids, a happy husband and the ability to cover my greys for well under a third of the cost of a salon!

But, I’m also finding that I am getting more and more run down these days. I know that I need to look after myself better and take some time for me but how do we define that? I never saw it as getting out and about. I always saw it as a hot cuppa and a good book. It’d be nice to be able to free myself from the Mummy Guilts even once every six months or so just to let my hair down.

At this point though, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe it’s silly of me and maybe it’s not. Only the individual knows the extent of their inner turmoils. I am happy to be a full time, hands on (slightly scruffy) Mummy to my beautiful children; I reason with myself that I get my time when the munchkins are asleep for the night and they won’t be little forever. But I’m setting myself the goal of not only going to the Hair Salon and getting a full style cut and colour in the next six months or so and I am also going to make a date with my hubby for the weekend of our wedding anniversary in December for a meal and a movie. It might not seem like much to some, but it sounds pretty great to me. In the meantime though, it gives me something to look forward to and work towards and an excuse to buy some great new novels and yummy Chai Tea!