New research commissioned by Barnardos Australia has revealed that nearly 60 percent of mothers say their biggest critics are not their family, other mothers, the media or the workplace, but themselves.
The survey found that 13.5% of mothers view their children as their second-biggest critics, followed by 8.5% who suggested their partners were their third biggest critics, and only 3.4% said other mothers were the most critical of them.
Worryingly, the survey of Australian mothers showed that only 6% would rate themselves a 10 out of 10 in their role.
Shark Tank’s Naomi Simson and Barnardos Mother Of The Year Ambassador pleaded that, “No one is perfect. Most of the people I know are muddling their way through life. Some days it works, some days it doesn’t.’
Modern mums are overexposed to well-manicured social media profiles, seemingly ‘perfect’ mums that are warping our sense of what it really means to be a mother. The result is that Aussie mums are feeling the pressure to meet these unrealistic expectations, and are doubting their ability to mother their children.
Naomi goes on to explain, “Social media has really amplified those pressures. You only show what you want to show.”
“Without rain there are no rainbows,” she said.
Social Demographer Bernard Salt says, “In terms of the wider communications of what is expected of mothers, we’re being presented with an artificial reality, it’s creating an environment where people feel they need to be able to achieve that.”
What is this comparisonitis we’re being sucked into as mothers? Social media seems to have insidiously become an integral part of how we communicate and is manifesting self-esteem issues like inadequacy and self-worth.
“What we’re seeing is an increase in mothers tending to be self-critical of themselves, and I think that comes down to a matter of self-doubt. This has nothing to with capability; it has everything to do with self-confidence,”
Salt goes on to say, “There is a term that describes it, ‘Imposter Syndrome’ where people are doubtful about the roles that they’re in – and this can be anyone in any role, a journalist, a young consultant – but it’s not actually based on the way that they’re performing in those roles, it’s self-doubt about their ability to be in the role.”
Mother Of The Year
Naomi Simson is a mother and highly successful entrepreneur whose journey has not been without its challenges. The RedBalloon.com founder began her company from home in 2001, and as with many start ups, it came with having to make many sacrifices along the way.
Naomi recalls a conversation with her now adult daughter who says she is proud of her mother for following her dream so tenaciously. And while she may have missed out on some times spent together, she would rather that and now have a strong set of personal, work and family values set down by her successful mother.
“Daughters of working mothers are shown to be more likely to work in supervisory positions and earn more than mothers who did not. And boys of working mothers are more likely to take on care taking roles,” Naomi quotes a Havard Business Study.
“But whatever it is that you choose to do as a a mum, do it 100%. If you choose to stay at home with your kids, then do that, and be truly present. If you choose to work from home, or start your own business, choose the right type of business that suits the lifestyle you want to live. Be clear about your goals and what you want, when you are working towards those, do it 100%, and when you are with your family, be with them 100%. Be present.
“Motherhood is motherhood. It has always resonated as a valuable and of course a central part of human life.” – Bernard Salt.
Barnardos Mother of the Year is the largest and most recognised national awards celebrating mothers.
The awards publicly acknowledge the critical role mothering plays in keeping children safe, nurturing them to help realise their potential and shaping the future of Australia.