Helping Children Deal with a Lost Friendship

It’s a hard truth, but even the best of friendships are bound to end at some points.

This could be as simple as a friend relocating far away, or as bad as the death of a friend.

For kids, the loss of a friend can hit hard and they may start having feelings of sorrow, guilt, suspicion and self-blame, depending on the circumstances that led to the situation.

It might not seem like that much to you as a parent, but in the child’s world it is a big issue and is usually a very difficult time for them.

Parents have a role to play in helping kids heal from the pain that comes with loss of friendship and also helping them get back on their feet and move on with their lives. If you aren’t sure how, we have some tips to help.

1.Explain that it is normal to feel sad

This is the first step to making your child know that you care. Even if his friend is moving to another geographical location or is dead, let them know that there is not much he can do to change the situation.

Let him know that it is normal to feel sad, but keep reassuring them by telling them that everything will be alright. Let the child know that some things such as the loss are beyond their control and that maybe it is for the better of both of them.

Assure the child that you will ensure that he keeps contact with his friend who is leaving for another country. Tell him that they will be talking over the phone and even over Skype so that he knows it isn’t as bad as he thinks it is.

Though, you should be sure that you can keep this promise. It also helps to talk to his friend’s parents over the matter so as to ensure they are okay with your plan.

2. Allow your child to express himself

Sadness and grief is best solved by being able to express our feelings. This also applies to children.

Assure your child that he can trust you and tell you what he feels about the loss. Let the child talk about what hurts him most, what he thinks he should do about it or any other feelings they have about the whole situation.

Offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Do not prevent him from shedding tears or sobbing, instead, comfort him and encourage him that it is alright to let out their feelings.

This helps the child calm his moods and feelings. Caution should be taken at this point in terms of ensuring the child does not start losing his self-esteem. You shouldn’t allow your child to blame himself for things he had no control over.

3. Focus on problem-solving

In some cases, your child may have been part of the reason of the breakup. By talking to him and letting him express his feelings in the previous stage, you’ll probably have a clearer idea of whatever happened.

If you suspect your child was in the wrong, do not focus on blaming him as this will surely lower his self-esteem, neither should you fully support his bad actions as this won’t help at all. Guide him through the possible ways of apologizing and reconciliation.

If this does not work, then it is time to help him move on. It is also important to consider the fact that your child could have got into this situation simply because he was expressing his feelings in the wrong way. You shouldn’t ridicule him, rather make him understand his mistake and teach him how best to correct it. Let him know that it is alright to express their anger and negative feelings, but this shouldn’t be done by abuse, fighting or committing another mistake. In cases of death or their friends moving elsewhere, this step isn’t necessary.

4. Encourage him to make new friends

Whether at school or at home, encourage the child to interact with his other peers. By so doing, new friendships may start arising. Let him know that you fully support his progress.

When a child is dealing with loss of a friend, you shouldn’t encourage him to stay in the confines of the house. Let him get out, interact with others and play.

Most young children usually have trouble playing with new peers because they may be afraid of rejection. Encourage the child to go ask if he can play with them and once he tries this, you’ll have taught him how to make friends. If this doesn’t work the first time, encourage him to try it again and again. Teach the child how to respect his peers so as to earn the same from them.

5. Help Them Expand their Social Circles

In order to help your child make more friends, encourage him to join peer groups with similar interests such as an art club, football team or a simple children’s game in the neighbourhood.

For a younger child, you can invite his age mates over to the house or even for an outdoor picnic. By encouraging your child to interact with children of similar interests, he could pick up more than one friend from the group. In fact, the child could end up becoming friends with everyone in the group.

Another thing to remember is to assure your kid that having more than one friend is okay. Encourage him to make as many friends as he can. In fact, this could help dull the heartache of the loss of his friend. It also teaches the child to know how to handle different friends as a child and even in adulthood.

Talking to Them Helps

Explaining loss of friends to a child is usually difficult, especially if you cannot bring yourself down to their level of thinking. As parents, we strive to protect our children, but when it comes to the ups and downs of life, it surely is impossible to guard them.

Though, with the above tips, we can help the kid understand that loss of a friend is normal and also help them to move on and start new friendships. During this whole time, a parent needs to be close to the kid, guiding them step by step and observing their progress.

Even though acceptance does happen eventually, before it does, be close to the kid, give them lots of hugs, kisses and love; these will help a big deal in helping your child deal with the loss of a friendship.

If your child is dealing with it and so we must too.