Discipline Methods: The Circle Of Security Program

The Circle of Security program has been around for over 50 years and is designed to provide a more natural and gentle approach to parenting that focuses on the needs of the child and the reason behind his behaviour rather than disciplining him or ignoring him. It is founded in the areas of attachment parenting and aims to enhance the security between a parent and a child.

What’s It All About?

Essentially, the Circle of Security can be summed up by looking at the relationship between parent and child as a circle. On the top of the circle is the child’s need to explore. At the bottom of the circle is the child’s need to be protected. The parent is at both the top and the bottom of the circle, guiding the child out to explore and allowing the child to come back in when they feel scared or need comforting.

The Circle of Security program helps parents see the different needs that come with the reaction of your child. For example, your child may be having a tantrum but is this because they are frustrated with a toy or is it because they are afraid? Rather than jump to discipline with a time out or with One Two Three Magic, the Circle of Security program aims to find out the reason behind this tantrum and what the child needs. The way you react to them will depend on the reasons behind their behaviour. For example, if your son hits his sister, is it because he is being purposely mean or is it because he is upset and needs your reassurance for something? If it is the former then discipline may be in order but if it is the latter, then your child will learn how to organize these feelings by talking to him about it and letting him know that you are there.

Another element that the Circle of Security program addresses is the need for a parent to help a child identify their feelings. It suggests that a child should be allowed to be angry, upset or sad but that a parent should be there and help them understand why they are experiencing this rather than trying to repress these emotions.

The Circle of Security program focuses on the idea that helping a child through interactive play, attention and learning to understand the different cues that your child gives you, will help strengthen the relationship and eventually will lead to a child that feels confident and secure to explore on his own, knowing that you will always be there for him.

Will it Work for You?

The problem with the Circle of Security program is that it can be hard to determine the needs of your child and it leaves little room for your own emotions and frustrations. Often children will not tell you why they are upset or acting out and thus you need to be able to control your own anger at this behaviour to get to the bottom of why they are acting the way they are.

While following the needs of the child makes sense in theory, the Circle of Security program also recognises that you cannot always do what the child wants or what he needs, especially as this can lead to dangerous situations. It advises parents to always take charge when necessary and to be wiser, bigger, stronger and kind all the time.

There are several parenting programs run across the country that focus on the Circle of Security program, many of which are free to parents. If you do have a tendency to swing towards attachment parenting, then this program may suit your values as a parent. Furthermore, if you are having a hard time trying to read your child and trying to find the right method of discipline, then this might be something worth looking into a little more.

You can find more information at http://circleofsecurity.net/.