10 Ways To Stop Yelling At Your Kids

If you’re a parent, you know that life with a child is a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes, those emotions are angry ones, and they go out uncontrolled in the form of yelling at your kids.

Let’s be clear here.

This article isn’t intending to make you feel bad about yelling at your kids.

It happens. It’s not the end of the world, but it does happen.

The problem is that over time yelling doesn’t solve the parenting issues that you’re having. In fact, yelling just makes your kid more guarded against yelling in the future, or more likely to yell back. Then you really got a problem.

Luckily, there is a solution. Here are some simple tips that you should be able to use to control your yelling, and maybe even connect and communicate better with your kids.

1) Don’t Let The Day Build On You

When you’re a parent, it’s easy to have a really stressful day. Often, these days just get ahead of you, and every stressor is another piece of straw on your metaphorical camel’s back. The problem is, the camel’s back always breaks, and if you let your day build on you, so will you. Instead, take some time to detox from a stressful day by doing something enjoyable, or chat about it with your partner to get it out of your system.

2) Take A Deep Breath

If you can see a situation turning into a screaming match, take a moment to pause and think about if you really want or need that. Will it solve the problem? Or is it going to make it worse? Sometimes it’s enough to just take a deep breath, calm yourself, and go into the situation with logic instead of uncontrolled emotions. Other times, you might find it’s too much and need to bring in your partner to help. If they haven’t been there from the start, they’re fresh and unlikely to crack.

3) Change Your Strategy

In our society we reward our kids for learning new things. In fact, our entire child teaching strategy is based upon praise and reward. But for some reason when it comes to learning behaviour we take exactly the opposite method. We tend to focus on reacting to bad behaviours with punishment, instead of good behaviours with praise. So to run the long game, reward your kids when they do the right thing, and avoid arguing over the wrong thing later.

4) Experience It As Your Child

In your adult life, has anyone ever yelled at you? It might have been a bad boss, an old partner, or even a parent. Did it feel good to be yelled at? No. Being yelled at is horrible. It makes you feel bad about yourself, and terrible about the situation you’re in. Just think, if it feels that bad as an intelligent, understanding adult, imagine how bad it feels to be a child. No wonder yelling doesn’t work

5) Be Clear About Consequences, And Mean It

Kids love to push the boundaries with their parents, and the older they get the more inclined they are to see how far they can push it. If you’re one of those parents that doesn’t follow through on bad behaviour consequences, this boundary pushing becomes more pronounced. To avoid this, and the yelling that follows, always follow through on what you say you’re going to do. If you say that your kid gets a timeout if they don’t pick up their toys, that’s what they need to get every time you say it.

6) Explain and Explore Their Feelings

Being a child is all about discovery and learning, and emotions are just another part of that. Sometimes kids yell, and you yell back, because they can’t really describe how they feel in any other way. So instead of falling into yelling back at them, take a deep breath to calm yourself and encourage them to talk about their feelings. Be empathetic and understanding, but encourage them to be clear about what they feel and why.

7) Get Your Message Across Smart

It’s easy to fall into the habit of yelling at your children to get your message across. The problem with this is that your children learn not  listen to you unless you yell, which isn’t what you want to be doing all the time. Instead, adopt a very serious but calm business tone. You want your kids to strain to hear you, which makes them more likely to want to listen.

8) Know Your Triggers

There are some things that will always get a parent yelling. For each parent, these things are different, but if you’re a parent you should know what sets you off. Knowing what makes you yell is an important step in stopping that behaviour, so take some time to think on it. Then either make sure you can remove yourself from the situation, or talk with your partner and children

about the fact that this makes you angry, and you don’t want to yell. Try to consider about other solutions when the problem comes up that work for everybody.

9) Have Some Perspective

When you’re in the middle of a stressful situation it’s easy to lose perspective on what you’re angry about. From where you’re standing, this is a massive issue, but in reality it might be something really simple and not worth getting worked up about it. So gain some perspective by mentally removing yourself from the situation. Imagine if someone was telling you the story of this situation, what course of action would you recommend?

10) Don’t Stress Your Imperfections

In the end, stopping a yelling habit isn’t as simple as flicking a switch. It can take time to form new healthy parenting behaviours, and it can take some getting used to for everyone involved. So, if you slip up and yell again, don’t stress about it. You don’t need to be a perfect parent. In fact, there’s no such thing. All there is are parents who love their kids. They’re messy, chaotic, and downright wonderful.

Do you yell at your kids? Or do you recall a time when you yelled at them?

It is also important to recall and reflect on that certain situation since some situations may vary from others.

Are any of these tips useful for you?