Giving our children the tools to handle a high-stress experience can help them now and later in life.

There are days when I struggle to hold it together while I mediate (more like referee) the all-out fall-out over who gets the black or red lego motorbike helmet. It makes me wonder how I will cope if presented with a really dangerous, serious crisis situation. Then I remember that while my interest in tantrums is zero, my need and ability to keep my family safe is limitless. I am secure in the knowledge that my children can and will learn from that.

Calm Your Farm

Deep breathing is the best thing I’ve been able to teach our kids to help them calm down. When their fight or flight response mode has kicked into high gear, often hearing words of settling and comfort isn’t enough to bring them back to base. A physical action that requires them to focus mentally can do that, and ‘in through your nose, out through your mouth, big breaths my darling’ became our mantra from about 2 years old. And it worked. They learned to do it for themselves (not always without prompting, of course, they’re kids, not robots) and kept it going because it feels good. Deep breathing is such a simple, effective technique, not just for the kids either.

Lead By Example

It can be hard to know how you would respond to a critical situation if you have been lucky enough not to have had one thrown at you. Feel good about that! Somewhere in between kicking your toe and impending doom you have the events of life that still manage to get our adrenaline pumping and require us to think quick and act accordingly. Trips to the emergency room, for example in my family, have involved a torsion (twisted testicle) on our then 3yr old that needed immediate surgery, then a year later a broken elbow, that was a breeze compared to the first one! We were cool as cat shit in both situations I’m pleased to say, I saved losing it was until it was all over and he was safe in bed asleep. I cried and wanted to vomit a lot but was relieved that our child had sailed through emotionally unscathed.

These are, especially when they involve our kids, critical situations to us no matter the danger level. Your children will mimic your level of panic and anxiety so it’s really important to get your game face on, take the deep breaths, let your instincts take over and do what you need to do to, all with minimal stress-out for your small people.

Keep It Real

We can help our kids prepare mentally and emotionally for high-stress moments without them even knowing. On a day to day basis, when the energy ramps up and the clock is ticking (think late for school days) you can put your breaths, word and actions into play as though you were really aiming for a chilled out walk in the park morning in your pj’s, even if it’s the opposite of what you’re actually doing! They copy everything and absorb emotional atmosphere lickity-split those clever kids, so even when they’re feeling the zing of need-to-get-going in the air, you can give them the tools to handle it easily with simple directions, unhurried actions and lack of fluster in general.

I’ve had some fails in this area lately.

Faced with an unbuckled safety harness, after we had driven a few metres, our 4 yr old screams out ‘I’m not done up! I’m not done up!’ my husband and I we’re like ‘what the”¦?’ more for the shouting and panic than the lack of seatbelt (we both thought the other did it up of course) and I know exactly where this came from. This has happened twice before, as the introduction of a second child has drastically reduced both my cleaning standards and my memory capabilities, and both times I’ve been so upset with myself for the general neglect of my child’s safety that I’ve blurted out ‘Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry, oh baby, sorry, sorry, sorry!’ when a simple and calm ‘OK, no worries, thanks for letting mummy know’ and clicking him in would have sufficed. Then when stopping at road works for 7 seconds one morning recently, the same child leant forward and announced ‘Oh f#@ks sake’. Hmmm, there’s no one else but me to blame for this. It’s my super cranky go to and it seems it’s time be very aware of who is listening and watching. Well, they both are…all of the time.

Build Cubbies, Not Bunkers

Kids need to be kids. They need and deserve a childhood. We alert them to dangers all the time, be it strangers with cute puppies, sharp scissors on Mister Maker or bird poo on playground equipment, they really are alerted to caution aplenty. Certainly teach them to dial 000 in an emergency, but explaining the possibility of a bomb threat or car-jacking can certainly be left until they are much older, you’ll know when, as you know them best. Toddlers and kindy aged kids have (hopefully) no real connection with the evils of society and we shouldn’t feel guilty for keeping it that way. By all means, prepare as a responsible adult, be aware of the emergency exits in shopping centres (I do this, I have to know), have fire-retardant blanket and extinguishers in the home and workplace and lock the car doors centrally if someone crosses the street too close to your vehicle.

You need not be put off by ‘unrealistic fears’, feeling silly or the possibility of offending someone if you’re feeling threatened or just being extra careful. Your family deserves your protection and awareness, but keep your zen as much as possible and your kids will hopefully follow your example.