Rise Of The Threenager

Clash of Kings

Could I really be bothered to wage war against a Threenager, let alone try to win? Oh hell no, seems to me like a lot of effort for not a lot in return. Probably better to wait that out and hope they learn some valuable life lessons on the way! But there are moments of shining glory, where as a parent, you ought to take a bow. I have to hand the award of ‘Well Played, My Lady’ to a friend who is in Threenager hell on a daily basis.

The award may not be for victory, but mainly for the way she takes every situation and recognises the learning curve involved. For both her and her child! I reckon her little boy is cute as cute can be and butter wouldn’t melt…except apparently it does, at volcanic temperatures”¦ but he’s bloody funny! For example, their morning recently went like so:

Dad: Time to brush your teeth!

M3: Bring the toothbrush here Dad

Mum: Hey! What do you say?

M3: Noooooooooooooooooowww”¦.. (One does sometimes need to speak slowly to one’s parents) among the eye rolls.

And then when things went a little further downhill:

M3: You’re not my best friend anymore!

Mum: I don’t want to be your best friend dude”¦

*M3 stomps off and slams bedroom door repeatedly*

*Mum strides down hallway with screwdriver*

Mum: Keep slamming that door and I’m going to take it off the hinges!

*Door opens, little face pops out*

M3: I’ll take you off your hinges!!! (This is where I almost wet my pants laughing)

*Promptly slams door shut, this time with fingers in it*

So it’s a sad ending, with a lesson (maybe) learnt, but kinda hilarious along the way, and I certainly find comfort in the fact that it’s not just me having some seriously weird conversations regularly with people under four feet tall, running commando through the house!

Split Personality

I know most kids at some stage of their young lives have an imaginary friend to lay blame upon, or a doll who trash talks at tea parties, but a whole new personality? At just under two-and-a-half, the alter-ego belonging to our youngest is a fast-moving, mischievous, cackling (think of a high-pitched hehehehehehe) wildling that appears out of nowhere, usually when you least expect it! The little shit-bag is known only as Pee-Pee & he’s a bit naughty.

Not like nail the cat to the wall naughty, but more like chuck things in the toilet naughty. It’s really hard to get too mad though because he’s still pretty cute and funny, if not a little creepy (It’s that laugh). We try to remind Pee-Pee that we love him, just not always his antics. I can only imagine ‘them’ as threenagers!

I asked some teacher friends about this interloper and they say it’s a show of intelligence and not to worry. Of course”¦ so when the next remote or contact lens case goes in the toilet and I ask ‘Who did this?’ I shall just smile fondly at my grinning, cackling, proud-looking scoundrel as he announces that it was Pee-Pee, because the little turd burger is smart! Let’s see how long that lasts!

Anyone else going through the threenage years?