7 Unavoidable Parenting Moments

6.You Will Buy Very Noisy Tea Bags

The resounding crash of boiling water hitting the tea bag must emit some kind of high-pitched frequency that only babies, children and telemarketers can hear. There is no other explanation for why, as soon as that brew is on, does everyone suddenly wake up, need questions answered, need changing, need an orange cut into 8 pieces with no seeds and no rind! Your exhausted arse hitting the soft couch is also like an alarm to set off these events and is followed closely in third place by going to the loo. Don’t let naps and Paw Patrol episodes lure you into thinking it’s a safe time to take a dump. Nuh-uh.

5.Your Child Will Swear In Public

Think they don’t know swear words? Think they have painted on ears and hear nothing you say to them? Oh they hear you alright, especially the stuff you think you’ve said nice and quietly while yanking armloads of washing out of the machine or making toast cut just the right way because it’s poisonous if it’s squares and not triangles. They’ll store those tidbits of your vocabulary away for a rainy day, or a trip to Aldi, and they’ll let rip at the most inappropriate moment possible. Or they will simply be too young to know any better, like my son at 2 years old, when he spotted the large clock at the top of the park play gym and announced super loudly ‘LOOK MUM, GIANT CLOCK!’ Doesn’t sound bad now, but at the time he couldn’t pronounce his ‘L’ sound at all”¦nothing like a dozen parents scanning the park for the offending giant cock!

4.You’ll Become A Car Seat Expert

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had the car booked in to have the baby seat expertly fitted six weeks prior to our due date.  Fast forward to leaving the hospital after our second baby and I get to the car to find my husband (who put it in the day prior as I hadn’t ‘gotten around to it’) had set it to an upright toddler rear facing position. Quick as a flash I handed hubby the newbie, whipped out the restraint, adjusted it to lay-back and re-anchored it. You too shall become a carseat swapping ninja and those who already have, will agree it’s always interesting (this is your life now remember) to find lost bits of kinder surprise toys among the rice cracker remnants, when you lift the seat out!

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