Controlled Crying: The Best Way To Get Baby To Sleep?

So, I’m casually reading through news yesterday morning and I come across this article on The Conversation: Health Check: is controlled crying the best way to get baby to sleep?

This article simultaneously hates on controlled crying:

‘But controlled crying is at odds with research on infant development that shows the foundations for lifelong psychological health are laid down in infancy when distress is responded to promptly and reliably.’

‘Leaving distressed babies to cry without comforting them may compromise their psychological development.’

Whilst also promoting its benefits:

‘There are now several gentler approaches involving modified (controlled crying). These can help resolve both infant sleep problems and maternal depression arising from chronic sleep deprivation.’

Dianna Kenny then describes the process of controlled crying in the most heartbreaking way ever:

‘A baby’s cry signals that all is not well – although the opposite is not necessarily true when crying stops. Children whose emotional communications are systematically ignored initially respond with acute distress, followed by a gradual and painful process of realisation that the caregiver is not available. Ultimately, they adapt to neglect by ceasing their attempts to engage their caregiver.’

Oh. My. GOSH. Talk about a heart breaker. An earth shaker.

But. It’s still not going to change my mind about controlled crying. It won’t stop me from going through the process for the third time. By which I mean, the ‘modified’ version of controlled crying we have developed for our family.

Helping your kids learn to self-settle, however that may be, helps them not only to get to sleep but also to stay that way. Everyone wakes briefly at different times during sleep, and children being able to self-settle may mean you don’t have to get up so often.

It’s not for everyone and it’s not for every child. A lot of folks agree that co-sleeping for the first 4-5 years doesn’t do any harm, is no skin off your nose and makes for well-adjusted kids that grow out of the habit.

That said. My kids are secure and well-adjusted. That’s not just my rose-tinted mummy goggles speaking; I get reports from Pre-School. They’ll back me.

And they survived controlled crying.

But also, we survived it. My husband and I. It was an epic hurdle to jump at first. Leaving our baby to cry for short periods without even the comfort of our voices. But we persevered. We had a common goal in mind. We wanted our bed back. And maybe even get to have sex again. Most importantly, we wanted to teach our babies to sleep, as part of our normal daily routine.

We hardened up.

There I’ve said it. Those three words are to me, the key to successful modified controlled crying methods. Parents who set out to make a routine, and stick to it. Repetition was the key.

The horrible crying lasted only one night. The next night it was for much less time than the night before and the night after that? Just a few minutes.

Modified controlled crying is hotly debated. But as defined in The Conversation’s article;

‘Modified (controlled crying methods) include the progressive waiting method, which involves putting the baby to bed while awake and then gradually withdrawing attention, comfort and reassurance. Then there’s systematic ignoring with minimal checks, which involves patting and vocal soothing, but not picking the baby up or offering the breast while it remains unsettled. Co-sleeping and parental presence also form part of gentle sleep training routines.’

Personally, I thrive on routine. And fortunately for me, my kids do, too. Nobody has to use controlled crying, it’s not a rule of life. But it certainly made our life a lot easier. No matter how big the day is or badass a tantrum one of them can throw, my husband and I can always be sure that this day will end come 7.30pm and the night will be ours!

We can have dinner at a reasonable hour instead of either eating with the kids too early or putting it off till the old epic night routine was over. We can talk with the kids climbing all over us.

It’s a time to reconnect for us and recharge our batteries. Before we do it all again tomorrow!