50+ Stories of Kids Saying the Darndest Things

51. You have a nice “gina” mum!

My daughter who had just turned three was all about giving compliments….”mom, your hair is beautiful.” “I love your shirt” etc etc etc

I’m in the bathroom peeing and she walks in, ” Mom, you have a nice ‘gina.” It was hilarious but I did explain to her how that’s not something you compliment lol – jiliandaphne

52. Special Hugs

Our 4-year-old son (known from here on as 4) walked in on his mum and I having sex one evening. We abruptly stopped and 4 asked what we were doing. Because dad is the quick thinker I blurted out that we were just having “special hugs”. Mum ushered him off to bed and we figured we dodged a bullet.

The next day we went out to a restaurant for dinner where we met up with 4’s Nanna. 4 sees Nanna and starts running towards her, Nanna stands up from the table with her arms stretched out and says “4, come and give Nanna a big hug”,4 stops dead looks at Nanna and at the top of his lungs says “ok, but not special hugs like mum was giving dad”. – joeynana

53. Excuse me sir, do you have a baby in your belly?

My son did that at my pap’s funeral. He was asking me something about “that man over there” and I was helping get food around for the dinner we were having and told him to go ask the man himself. I watched him go over, tug on his shirt sleeve, and ask “Excuse me sir?” Aww, what a sweet child I have. “Do you have a baby in your belly?” OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE. – macaroniandmilk

54. “Pet” the man

My special needs daughter said the exact same thing about a WOMAN when she was around 3 yrs old. I’m trying to shush her while she’s pleading with me to go pet the “man”. – harleyqueenzel

55. Poop in the pool

Took 5 yo to swimming lessons. Walked out of locker room and discovered that lessons were canceled to ‘biohazard incident’, aka someone pooped in the pool. My son was rather bummed, I explained to him that accidents happen etc etc.

He became more curious and started asking me who did the dirty deed, told him I didn’t know, didn’t matter. He stayed quiet for awhile, but I could see his wheels turning in his head….”I think it was Donald Trump”

“.. Wha, you think Donald Trump pooped in the pool?!”. He grinned ear to ear and nodded. I nearly slipped and fell lol – leewd

56. Fist you!

Son (5) “Mommy, I’m going to fist you” Me: “whaaaaa?” Son, deadpan “Fist you….” Me “Do you mean hit with your fist?? Punch?? That’s called a punch….!” Son, now happy we are on the same page “Oh, ok!” – anonynomom9

57. How to say “No”

From two years ago:

So, my son is having a case of the No’s at bedtime and we are trying anything to break through and change the subject.

“Do you want water?” “No!”

“Do you want to snuggle?” “No!”

“Do you want something to eat?” “No!”

“Do you want to play with your toys?” “No!”

“What DO you want?”

……”I want to say no.”

I lost it. My wife was less amused.

– diggexpat

58. A lady-man

As we approached the cashier at the grocery store [a male with long hair]:

My 4 year old son: is that a lady?…or a man?

Oh! It’s a lady man!

Me: 🤗

– Realgirldiet

59. Hello, penis!

My son is a fountain of this. Two of my favorites.

First, we’ve always used proper body part names. Well when my son was about 3 I had to change him in a mall bathroom. Thankfully there was a changing station, but it was against a wall and not in a stall. Not a big deal. Bathroom was fairly busy so I was working quickly. Soon as I got his diaper off my son yelled quite loudly “HELLOOOOO PENIS!”. Now I’m trying not to bust a gut laughing while cleaning him up. Finish the change and put his diaper back on and he responds “BYE BYE PENIS!” Bathroom results in laughter.

Second was when he was a little bit older and was playing in the yard with some neighbors. He grabbed a toy hammer and went up to my neighbor and yelled “I’m banging you!”. Got a good laugh and didn’t think much of it. Turned around and he had grabbed a toy screwdriver and started yelling “I’m gonna screw you!” – zerotoast

60. Old people die soon

We’re in the grocery store and come across an elderly woman. My 4 yo looks at her and asks “are you old?”. Then in another aisle, he sees her again and announces loudly to the same old lady “You’re old! You are going to die soon!” He ran ahead again near the check out and was trying to talk to thesame old lady again…luckily I retrieved him before he decided to discuss when she will die in more depth! – ninjamama32

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