50+ Stories of Kids Saying the Darndest Things

41. Cardamum

My 3yo son’s teacher told us that they were learning about the alphabet and they got to “C.” The teacher asks my son, “what words do you know that start with a C-uh, C-uh sound?” Little dude thinks for a beat and says, “cardamum.” Blew her mind – I have no idea where he learned that word. – cmr252

42. Nanny Stories

Not a parent, nanny stories. Two of my favorites:

3 y/o, spontaneously, at the park: “Boxing is the most dangerous. Do you know why it’s the most dangerous?” It’s the most dangerous because they get””” [lowers voice, widens eyes] “””tattoos.” He was so small we still had him in his brothers 12-month onesies, so the reactions were interesting.

4 y/o, would not be dissuaded. Very excited about a dinner party, announcing this news to anyone who would listen at the library. Adamant that her parents’ dinner plan was not lasagna. “Guess what we’re having for dinner tonight? Vagina! It’s a vagina party!” …You can only recast so much. – bibblia

43. Paris’ Wonder of the World

Daddy, I want to go to Paris, I want to visit the iPhone tower. – random314

44. Penis Murder Factory

Asked what they want to do when they grow up. 12yo: “Maybe law enforcement”. 6yo: “I want to work in a penis murder factory”. – ApacheRedTail

45. When I grow up…

5 yr old: Daddy, when I grow up I want to be just like you.

Me: awww, that’s nice.

5 yo: Yeah. Fat and handsome.

– moe-hong

46. Walk like a Penguin

As a morbidly obese woman was making her way out of a restaurant, my 3-year-old daughter laughs loudly and says, “that lady in walking like a penguin!” – laidback_hoser

47. Family Tradition

My eight-year-old daughter told me a couple years ago that farting was a tradition in our family. Kid isn’t wrong. – Iamnotelephant

48. Pee-nis

My 3-year old was using a public toilet, with me in the stall with him. He often confused the words “pee” and “penis”.

After an impressively long urination, he exclaimed loudly, “That’s a lot of penis!” – zarx

49. A lady part truck

I get an email from my mom today. My 7 yr old had the day off for his school’s conference day. They went to lunch at Taco Bell. In the parking lot, he sees a Junk King truck. Says to my mom “What’s next? Vagina Queen?” – Buffythemoronslayer

50. That’s a really nice skirt, mumma!

I’m way late to this party, but about 2 years ago, when my son was 3, we were hanging out in pj’s in the morning. He was sitting on the couch as I bend down to pick something up and my old pants ripped open neatly along the seam across my ass, exposing both buttcheeks.

My son audibly gasped and yelled at the top of his lungs “Oh my god, mama, you have a huge butthole!!!”

Oh, and last summer I had a bad allergic reaction that caused me to scratch my legs bloody in my sleep. They were covered in scabs and hideous to look at, so I opted for a long flowy skirt to survive the heat.

When I first tried it on my son goes “Oh, mama, I really like that skirt, it’s so pretty. It looks perfect on you!” I’m all ooh’s and aww’s with his sweet compliment when he pulls me back down to earth by adding “Now we don’t have to look at your terrible legs anymore”. – Boo-Wendy-Boooo

Let’s be honest, it creeps the heck out of us! More on the next page!