Hilarious Comments Parents Have Made to Their Kids

I’ve been following quite a few mummy forums of late because it makes me feel better about being a pretty shitty mum.

When I read about other mums that have the same problems I have with my kids, it really makes me smile. So when I come across these little nuggets of gold, I had to share!

These are REAL LIFE statements made by mums to their kids on various mummy forums around the world!

1. “Can you please tell your teacher I work at the pub because when you say ‘Mum’s always at the pub’, it sounds bad.”

2. “No, I will not hold your doodle whilst you do a wee, I don’t care if your hands are cold!”

3. “The cat doesn’t want to hug the dog, Sweetie.”

4. “Please get your brother out of the washing machine.”

5. “Stop scratching your butt and sniffing your fingers.”

6. “Stop body-slamming your brother, I don’t want to explain another black eye.”

7. “Did you just eat duck poo?”

8. “Sweetheart, don’t play with those stockings, they are Grandad’s.”

Note: Her Dad had a wooden leg and uses stockings to stop it rubbing.

9. “Stop licking me!”

10. “No buddy, if you have a doodle now, it won’t turn into a vagina when you’re an adult.”

11. “Why is your belly button full of nail polish?”

12. “Stop putting tomato sauce on your nipples.”

13. “For the millionth time, we get hash browns from McDonalds and Mummy makes chocolate brownies at home. They are NOT hash brownies as you keep telling everyone!”

14. “No, you don’t ‘get’ your babies from me.”

15. “No, they are not wings on your vagina, they are flaps.”

16. “Please take your penis off my arm.”

17. “I promise you, that is NOT a unicorn horn, now go put that back in Mummy’s drawer.”

18. “Stop colouring in the dog!”

19. “No, the black cows aren’t the boys. The ones with the penis’ are the boys”

20. “Please take the sultanas out of your nose.”

21. “Cheese is not a bookmark.”

22. “Don’t put avocado in your vagina. It is not a pocket.”

23. “Please get the dead lizard off the table.”

24. “Please stop trying to put your penis in the drain.”

25. “Can you not teabag your brother, please? It is disgusting!”

26. “No, you can’t wipe my bum.”

27. “Your penis is NOT a sword.”

28. “Flies are not pets.”

29. “Snot is not hair gel.”

30. “Dirty nappies are not to be used as a helmet.”

31. “Get that spoon out of your butt!”

32. “Who put the laundry in the oven?”

33. “Stop screaming at your shadow, it won’t stop following you!”

Kids! Who’d have ’em LOL!