50 Hilarious Things You’d Never Thought You’d Say to Your Kids

Never thought you would say that? But you did — and we have proof!

We asked our fans What’s the One Thing You Never Thought You’d Say to Your Kids As a Parent? and, oh man, did we ever get some awesome responses! They were too funny not to collaborate and share.

From your responses, we gathered the ones that made us crack up like crazy. These 50 random things parents say to kids are the funniest we’ve heard all week! This came from you, ladies and gentlemen. I couldn’t make this stuff up! Our kids are just so amazingly random. And hilarious. And disgusting. And obsessed with penises.

So, here goes!

About pets…

“Stop sucking on the cat’s tail.”

“Don’t let the dog lick inside your mouth.”

“No, the ducks are not trying to drown themselves; they’re washing.”

“Please take the cow out of my bra.”

“We don’t hit dogs with bananas.” “Don’t bite the dog.”

About food…

“Of course yoghurt doesn’t taste like doors.”

“Don’t eat food from the bin.”

“Biscuits are dunked in tea not orange juice.”

“No, we don’t take our food to the toilet.”

“Would you like to share my chocolate?”

“Why is there a muesli bar in the vcr?”

“When I asked you to chuck the eggs on the bench I didn’t mean CHUCK them.”

More hilarious random things parents say to their kids, next!