12 Tips on How to be a Good Stepmother

Being a stepmother is not exactly something glorified by the media, but with the current divorce and separation rates in Australia, it’s hardly an uncommon experience.

It can be a challenge for children, but what about the new mum being thrust into a stressful situation?

If you’re just about to head into that situation yourself, you’ve likely got a lot of questions, and although we can’t answer them all, we can give you something to go off. Without further ado, we present the 12 SAHM tips and tricks for being a good stepmum!

1. Don’t Think You Can Be Their Mum

Let’s be clear on something just in case it hasn’t become apparent to you already: your presence in the life of your stepchild is the barrier that is going to stop their parents having a fairytale ending. That might not even be remotely possible in reality, but in the mind of an emotionally stressed child going through a divorce, it’s an idea that’s always waiting in the shadows. So, the worst thing that you can do is to try and replace their mum in any way. You aren’t ever going to win that battle, even if you’re a supermum and their bio-mum is the dumps. Kids love their parents. End. Of. Story.

2. Do Give Them Space To Work Their Feelings Out

Kids in a divorce situation have about a thousand things going around in their heads, including the intense stress of wondering if mum and dad really love them. The concept of court battles and custody is too far a reach. What they want to know is if someone will be there for them always. So, instead of stepping all over their emotional trauma by trying to drag them into your happy families fantasy, give your new charges some time to figure out what’s happening, and get comfortable in a new situation.

3. Don’t Talk Trash About Their Mum

We know, your partner’s ex isn’t exactly your favourite person in the world. But let’s remember point number 1 here. Your stepchildren will always love their mum, and you talking trash about her is the fastest route to having them hate you. This means no bad mouthing her in front of anybody that might let it slip to the kids, no pantomiming on the phone when your partner is talking to her, and no venting about her anywhere around the house when the kids are there. If you need someone to talk to, have a chat to a counselor. Otherwise, you’ll pay the costs.

4. Do Try To Have A Cordial Relationship If Possible

It can be hard to have a good relationship with your stepchildren’s mum, especially if she’s not happy about the fact that her ex is with someone else. Mums are rarely ecstatic about the idea of a strange woman raising their children, so they might be cold or downright cruel to you. Despite this, it’s always the smarter option to take the high road. Be as friendly and cordial to the children’s mum as possible. You don’t have to be besties, but you are co-parenting now, so at least act like grown-ups. 

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