Men: Be Joyfully Available To Do Chores

I think Michelle Duggar of ‘The Duggar Family’ fame, made a just a few mistakes in her blog post of creepy and outdated advice to newlywed women.

..basically telling them (and I’m paraphrasing a bit here) to “put out and shut up” no matter what, because hey, no matter how shitty you feel, your husband shouldn’t be inconvenienced in his pursuit of getting his rocks off.

So I decided to rewrite it for her, free of charge, because that’s how I roll. I’m generous like that. Michelle, next time you want to hand out advice to newlyweds, here’s some I wrote for you that you can dish up for the menfolk and bring them in to the 21st century.

You can read Michelle’s original advice here. Mine is below:

‘Men who are about to get married, or heck, men who are already married, I have the “best piece of advice” I can give to you so that you can have a happy marriage. Are you ready for this? It will blow your mind.

I know you are excited. You’re about to marry the woman of your dreams. But some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married eight years and I’m still happily married. You’ve got to remember this.

Anyone can iron your shirt. Anyone can make lunch for you. You can get your lunch somewhere else. But here’s the thing: you’re a grown-arse man and you should probably just do it yourself. Iron your own damn shirt. Make your own freakin’ sandwich.

Your wife could too, if she wants to. She’s not a domestic slave, so if you’re nice to her she might do it as a favour. But you have the power to do it to!

So don’t forget that she needs you to help. So when she is exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and she falls into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget that she might not feel like putting out for you because you are an insensitive arse who has contributed to her exhaustion.

You know, by not doing your fair share of shit around the house.

And so, be available, but not just available, be joyfully available to do chores. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie, I will clean the kitchen and do it properly without pissing and moaning and acting like a martyr when I’m done,’ no matter what, even though you may be as exhausted as she is minus the big pregnant belly and may not feel like she feels. “I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it is a need for you.” Well actually, it is a need for both of you to have a clean house.

I’ve realised the sweetness of that through the years. If I ever feel like being joyfully available to my husband, in turn he’ll put down the remote and give me a hand dealing with the neverending list of chores and all the mess the kids create because, dammit, it isn’t the stone age anymore.

He will sit there and listen to everything I need to tell him because he knows that it’s the right thing to do”¦.’

There. Fixed it. No need to thank me, Michelle. Any time you need help being brought into the modern era, I’m available nay joyfully available to help you wordsmith your blog posts. xox