A good friend of mine’s hubby is about to go away on a course on how to deal with Employee Mental Health.

Apparently, it is the first time in his 20 year career such a course has been offered. And he is grateful for it. Not only has he had to deal with his fellow employees (and friends) marital break-ups and stresses at work, he has also had juniors come to him saying they wanted to die.

Everyone I know has known someone that has committed suicide.

Everyone I know has known a new Mum with post-natal depression

Everyone I know full stop has some form of anxiety, depression or mental disorder.

Everyone.

Why is it that so many people now have mental issues?

I have a few theories… although I am no expert.

Stress of Present-Day Life

Is life today as busy and stressful as it was say back in the 1950’s? I don’t know. What I do know is that we are all ‘on’ and ‘available’ now due to social media and mobile phones. We don’t come home from work and just spend time with our families. We are constantly available for that phone call or email. And due to the fact that good jobs that pay well are hard to come by – we need to be ‘on’ to keep those jobs.

Why Are Mental Health Problems So Prevalent Today | Stay At Home Mum — via www.rd.com

Being ‘on’ 24 hours a days is stressful. Stress affects your level of anxiety – especially if it is long term. Bingo – you end up on medication.

What can be done about it? I really don’t know. I can’t figure out how our lives are meant to become less stressful. As better technologies are developed to make our jobs more efficient, our brains are struggling with the demand to cope for extended periods of time – rather than just 8 hours and walking away.

Many of us don’t have time for sport, or friends, or hobbies. An outlet that we can divert our stress into to make ourselves happy.

Post Natal Depression

Having a newborn is again pure stress. It is meant to be – you have this little version of you and your partner that you need to somehow keep alive. Mums are sleep deprived. Newborns as a rule are quite rightfully a recipe for some sort of ‘mental snap’.

Yes, hormones do play a huge part.

Years ago, there were multiple people to help you with a newborn. It took a village to raise a child. Now we don’t know our neighbours. Our parents are still working to support themselves so they don’t have time to help out with a new baby. Plus there are so many people telling new Mums how they are getting everything so wrong! There is no support.

Do you know that in France, when a new Mum comes home from the hospital after giving birth, she has access to a nanny and housekeeper for two to four months. Imagine the strain that that would lift from a new Mother that is on her own or without help.

What can be done to help?

I think we should go back to the days of the village. If you know someone with a newborn, ask them if they are okay – ask them if you can do anything for them. Visit – and don’t just sit there holding the baby, grab a mop or broom, empty the dishwasher for them or bring them a week’s worth of casseroles. Sit and listen – be an ear. If the new Mum isn’t coping, ask them if you can seek help for them…Don’t make it taboo…

Go with them for visits to the Doctor or local clinic to have the baby weighed. Help them do their shopping or organise for them to have a good sleep.

Get them talking about how they are feeling.

Youth Suicide

Personally, I am so glad I grew up in a time without social media. I didn’t have anyone taking photos of me doing dumb shit like we all do when we are young. Young people are always in the spotlight, and the spotlight is a hard place to be. I think parents should be more open about talking with their kids and less ‘parental’. I can’t imagine coming home from ‘my first time’ and telling my parents all about it – no way. Yet, I have friends that have parents just like that – and they are open enough that they can share such things with them in a safe and loving environment.

In fact one girl did exactly that – the parents knew it was going to happen – she had talked it over with them. She knew to take protection, she was doing it in a safe place with someone she had been with for a while. She came home and told both parents exactly about her first sexual experience. And they were supportive and loving, knowing exactly where and with whom their daughter was with.

The three girls from these open parents (who are all Mums now) are some of the most well-adjusted adults I know.

I think now that I’m a Mum, it would be so hard for a parent to sit there and listen to your child doing such things, but if I shut them out and pretended not to know about it, maybe they couldn’t come to me with other problems they have. Maybe they are too timid or scared of what I would say if they said they were self harming, or didn’t want to live anymore……

So I’d rather be the open parent, the friend. The person that they can come to. And if you can’t be, offer it to someone of value in your family. I do it for my niece, she can call me anytime about birth control, sex and feelings…. She knows I won’t judge, and will love her no matter what.

Middle Aged Male Suicide

But it isn’t just youths that commit suicide. It is becoming more prevalent for the 35 – 50 year old men. Men who have worked hard, provided for their families, yet feel lost in the business of life. A friend of mine came to me recently worried about her 44 year old husband. He was on anti-depressants, sleeping tablets and anti-anxiety medication….. ‘I just can’t get him to talk about it, I don’t know what is wrong’……

I think men are more embarrassed to go and seek help as they see themselves as ‘weak’ when that isn’t the case. They want to be strong for their families, but are sacrificing themselves in the meantime. They don’t have time to go to a Doctor and talk about ‘feelings and shit’ (as they would say it). They are too busy being the bread winners of the family.

My advice to my friend was to try and get him to talk… but don’t force the issue. To encourage her husband to keep going to the Doctor on a regular basis. To make sure he goes to all his Psych appointments. To make sure his medicine is taken every single day. But most importantly, to let him know that he isn’t weak, in fact he is strong for seeking help and doing it for his family. To make time as a couple to just talk… to encourage him to be open and be a safe place to share…..

Keep an eye on the men in your life. Your brothers, uncles, fathers and sons. Say something (in private…) if you think they could be at risk.

Where to Get Help

First of all a stop at your Local GP is essential. If you feel your GP isn’t supportive (and I’ve heard many a time that some aren’t!) – go elsewhere.. But go. There are of course many helplines etc which I will list. But I think the best course of action is to talk and get some professional help.

A GP can help set you up with a ‘Mental Health Care Plan’. The Care Plan allows you 10 or so visits to a dedicated Clinical Psychologists who specialises in Depression and Anxiety. They are great, they understand and just talking about it is a huge step towards getting well.

Don’t be frightened of taking prescribed medication. Take it every day and certainly don’t just ‘stop’ taking it.