PMS is a Bitch!

Seriously, as I’ve gotten older, my PMS tendencies have become insane!

For the couple of days leading up to my period and of course during, I am an absolute fucking mole!

I don’t mean to be, but I just can’t help it. My tolerance for fuckwits is nil and my patience is MIA. I know in the back of my mind that I’m overreacting at times. But in my defence, I’m consistent, so those close to me are aware it’s coming!

I think a little more understanding wouldn’t go astray. When it comes to PMS we too are suffering.

Think about it. Over a three-week period, a women’s body spends its time preparing the uterus to house an actual human being. A women takes mere sperm; a mucousy mess of genetic matter and protein, with no brain and turns it into a real person. If that month we decide not to utilise this home, we get zero thanks. In true female spirit, fucking BAM! Our body spends the next 3 to 7 days ripping the entire thing down.

Our uterus is pissed that it went to all that effort and displays its intense displeasure by ferociously expelling the house walls through a small opening in the cervix. Again, because”¦female.

There is no being patient about it either. In an attempt to get rid of the home our uterus so lovingly prepared, it brutally contracts to drive all your insides out. All of this results in a scene similar to those occurring in Texas Chainsaw Massacre — especially post children.

I’m sure you enjoyed the visual. You’re welcome!

That’s not all, though. I’ve recently found out that a woman’s body does some other cracked out shit.

On a recent trip to stay with a friend, we discussed vaginal discharge. It’s a serious fucking issue. I noticed that every damn pair of black undies I owned has a bleached patch right where my ninny sits. Apparently, on the weeks between our menstrual cycle, our vaginas excrete corrosive fluid. The pH levels found in vaginal discharge are close to those found in Boric Acid. Yep you heard it right. That shit is used to kill ants and other insects. Like, literally — kill ’em dead!

So as if bleeding like a stuck pig for one week out of a month wasn’t enough. It now seems that the three weeks in between, my vagina is busy excreting discharge that will literally bleach and corrode fabric.

A women’s body does some fascinating yet unimaginably weird stuff. So it’s no wonder we spend most of our lives in an emotional state of disarray. No offence men, but you guys have it easy. Your time is spent making brainless genetic matter that’s only expelled from your bodies during bouts of extreme pleasure.

On top of that, when doing so, most of your blood pumps only to the area in use. This therefore, forecloses any actual brain function. Not only do you enjoy it while it happens, you don’t have the capacity to think about it either. Ultimately resulting in zero emotional implications. Fucking Cheers!

So in light of this new-found information, I’ve decided that women who suffer terribly with PMS should be cut a shit tonne of slack.

Our bodies are busy as fuck every damn day of the year and we’re tired. Of course you don’t have to, it’s totally your call. But, when deciding whether to be nice or point out we are acting like bitches, think about this: One week of every month we bleed like we’ve been butchered and we still don’t die. Then for the remaining three weeks of the month our vaginas carefully formulate an acid that has the power to corrode and decay.

So if I were you, I would reconsider retaliation during a women’s hormonal outburst.

Looking at the facts, we could quite possibly be the walking dead and depending on your behaviour, the Zombie Apocalypse may have already arrived.

Peace Out, S.

Sari is the magical creator of the blog Love Me Anyway!

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