20 Hysterical Takes On A Sex Toy Review Ever!

I have a habit of always reading the reviews when it comes to sex toys…

We all know that using sex toys can make our bedroom playtime a lot more fun. But have you ever read the hilarious reviews people write about them? In this post, we’ve collected some of the funniest, craziest, and most clever reviews of sex toys we could find. So whether you’re looking for a good laugh or some inspiration for your own toy purchases, you’re sure to enjoy these!

Would you ever write a review for a sex toy? Why or why not?

I was in line at the grocery store the other day when I overheard the woman in front of me lamenting to her friend about how she’d just bought a new sex toy and her husband was less than thrilled. Apparently, he’d made some comment about how it looked like a “toy for a child.”

The woman was clearly embarrassed, but her friend just laughed and said, “Well, he’s not wrong! It does look like a kids’ toy.” I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself as I walked away. It just goes to show that you can’t please everyone when it comes to sex toys!

You may have seen some of the hysterical sex toy reviews floating around the internet. You know, the ones where people seem to be completely losing their minds over a simple little vibrator? Well, we’re here to tell you that they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. In fact, we’ve found that the majority of these reviews are actually quite boring.

Sure, there are a few gems here and there, but for the most part, they’re just people making a bunch of noise about nothing!

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More reading:

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Satisfyer Pro 2 Air-Pulse Clitoris Sucker

The Satisfyer Pro2 is a sex toy that can be used to stimulate the clitoris without direct contact! Whoo! It uses a combination of air pressure and vibration to create a sensation of fluttering that can be customized with multiple speed settings. The toy is also rechargeable via USB, and the magnetic charging system means it can be used for up to 150 minutes on a single charge.

• Price: $99.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney

Real Reviews:

“I honestly didn’t know what to think when I unboxed it. Probably the first time I have ever read instructions on a sex toy. But I swear to all that is holy I finished two, TWO, back-to-back O’s in under 20 minutes. Which for me is a GD miracle. Then went on to a 3rd while participating in the deed through some creative positioning. I think I might still be a little lightheaded. I cried and then decided to write this review.

For any woman who is out there suffering and has tried it all please buy this. I know it’s changed my life in one night and saved my marriage from the slow death of intimacy.’

Via Samantha Cole (Amazon)

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Tracy’s Dog OG Pro 2 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator for G Spot Clit Stimulator

• Price: $50.48
• See stockist

The Tracy’s Dog OG Pro 2 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is a sex toy that is designed to stimulate the clitoris. It has a suction feature that creates a vacuum against the clitoris, and 10 vibration patterns that can be used to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings.

The Tracy’s Dog OG Pro 2 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator is made of body-safe silicone and is rechargeable with a USB cord. It is also waterproof, making it safe to use in the shower or bathtub. If you’re looking for a sex toy that can help you achieve explosive orgasms, you know what, JUST READ this hilarious sex toy review!

Real Reviews:

“Having read everyone’s reviews, I had high expectations, but with the price being under 50 dollars, I wasn’t exactly going to be shocked if it was mediocre. A few friends of mine bought it recently and told me of its power. ‘I was warned to take the day off, hydrate, and above all do some stretches.

I thought they were being such drama queens. It was delivered within 2 days of the order, so it’s already off to a good start. Opening the very discreet box, instructions say 2.5 hour charge time. Not too bad, I plug this Lil bad boy in. While the kids are at school waiting for it to charge, killing time reading some erotica my friend and fellow queenie, recommended because I don’t have time to screw around waiting to get into “the mood”.

I have to get the kids in a few hours and I need to be ready to go when this thing is done charging. Tik Tok b!tch, tik tok welcome to motherhood. “Patiently waiting” me is checking to see if the light has stopped blinking every 10 minutes like a crackhead waiting for his dealer. After only an hour and a half, solid pink light. ‘Game on. ‘I played with the settings on my hand to test this fine machinery out. The vibration for the g spot part is quite strong, I was impressed with that even before use.

Next was suction. So many levels it was interesting to see the different patterns and strengths. There are 10 levels for the clitoral and 10 patterns for the g spot. I’ve never used a clit suction-type stimulator, so I have nothing to compare it to but looked forward to it nonetheless. Time to solo party. I found placement for the clit a bit low for my body shape, it took me a few min to get everything where it needed to be.

That was a bit time-consuming and slightly frustrating. ‘But as with any new toy, it’s trial and error. I started the clit one on low, which I barely even felt. Unbeknownst to me, it wasn’t lined up 100%, So, me being me, I decide to go from zero to 60 in 3.5. ‘I hit the suction button setting to level 5 or 6 and hit the g spot button as well. And made a minor adjustment to suction placement.

At least I think that’s what happened Because I’m pretty sure I blacked out, ‘My legs went straight out like those goats who faint when scared. I never came so fast and so hard in my life. I squirted, I have NEVER DONE THAT. (Luckily I put a towel down cause I hate wet spots) I frantically tried to turn it off but ended up hitting the buttons like a maniac, sending even stronger suction and now variant pulses from the g spot vibrator.

And came, again. I’m pretty sure I levitated. It was an unending orgasm. ‘This time, my soul left me, and god himself said “child, it is not your time, go back to the Lil pink light.” (Mind you, I’m agnostic.) I’m brought back into my earthly body after managing to pull it off me throwing it across my bed, it falls to the floor, still buzzing happily away. ‘I shook for a good 5 minutes, I couldn’t get up off the bed if even wanted to.

I stared at my ceiling dazed trying to remember who I am and what year it this. I get up to clean up and realize in my seizure-like orgasms, I hurt my hip and back. I’m still hobbling 4 hours later I did not stretch enough. So in conclusion, this met and exceeded expectations.

Hydrate, and make sure you don’t have to do anything that involves decisions or brainpower for the rest of the day. And for the love of god, stretch like you are about to run the 500-meter dash.”

As seen and reported on Metro UK

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We-Vibe Jive App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator

• Price: $169.00
• Stockist: Lovehoney

The We-Vibe Jive App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator is a sex toy that allows you to choose from 10 rumbly vibration patterns. This sex toy also has the ability to improve toy connectivity, user interface and user experience.

With this sex toy, you can enjoy the multi vibe, multi toy, content cards, feedback function, tutorial mode and PIN. This sex toy is also rechargeable so you never have to worry about batteries. Whether you’re using it alone or with a partner, the We-Vibe Jive App Controlled Rechargeable Love Egg Vibrator is sure to please.

Real reviews:

“The We-Vibe was still at full throttle and working on a (by now) highly sensitive clitoris. GF was begging me to stop it, people were noticing, and there was still nothing I could do. I tried the button again to no effect. “You’re gonna have to take it out,” I said.

And with that, GF arched back in her chair, slipped her hand down the front of her jeans and extracted the device. Unfortunately, as she extracted it, it was, er, slippery. She tried to surreptitiously pass it to me across the table (remember, it was still buzzing, albeit quietly) but somehow it snagged the top of my pint glass as she handed it over and it slipped out of her fingers and plopped into my beer.

Now, the We-Vibe is very quiet in normal use. However, when submerged at full power in a glass of beer, it emits a sound, not unlike that of a hornet’s nest. Also, our one is the bright magenta one.”

Find the original review here >

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Lifelike Lover Luxe Realistic Silicone Dildo 8 Inch

• Price: $59.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney

The Lifelike Lover Luxe Realistic Silicone Dildo 8 Inch is a great sex toy for those who want to experience the pleasure of having sex with a real man. This dildo has raised veins, a prominent head, and bulbous balls that stimulate both inside and out. It is also harnesses compatible and has a suction cup so you can use it in any position you want.

Plus, it’s waterproof so you can take it into the shower or tub with you for even more fun. With its realistic design, this dildo is sure to give you the satisfaction you crave.

“The suction on this toy is very strong. I was cleaning my toys after use and decided that while I cleaned my other toys, I would place this one on the rectangular tank on the back of my toilet to dry. Two minutes later, forgetting this toy was a suction cup, I grabbed it to put it away and actually pulled the whole lid off at the same time.

Then had to stand there trying to pull my dildo off and at the same time balance the lid without it smashing, while my mom was hammering on the door asking if I was OK and what was the noise all about.”

Find the original review here >

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BASICS Anal Douche 225ml

• Price: $22.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney

Anal sex and play can be a lot of fun, but it’s important to make sure you’re clean before you get started. That’s where anal douches come in. Anal douches are sex toys that can hold up to 225ml of water. They have a slim nozzle that goes into the anus, and a bulb body that you squeeze to squirt the water inside. This cleans out the anal area and gets rid of any unwanted residue.

Douching is simple and quick, and it can help make anal sex and play more enjoyable for both partners. Plus, it’s just good hygiene! If you’re going to engage in any kind of anal activity, make sure you use an anal douche first. Your butt will thank you!

Real reviews

“My gosh it was certainly a night to remember… although I wish I had remembered to put [the anal douche] back that night and not leave it in the bathroom above my sink so my mother-in-law could see it the next day!”

Review originally published from Bustle.com >

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Bondage Boutique Stainless Steel Wartenberg Pinwheel

• Price: $19.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney
• Note: Not the original product, but a Wartenberg Pinwheel also

Real reviews:

“Yeah, it’s a pretty good product, high-quality and everything. But the picture is a bit deceiving. The bloody thing couldn’t open my Fray Bentos pie tin, so I still haven’t had any dinner. Ended up eating the strawberry lube I purchased instead. But in the end, it matches my kitchen and fits easily in the cutlery drawer.”

These reviews may not exactly tell you whether these products are for you, but they do provide a valuable warning not to mix them with beer, toilets, or pie tins.

Read more: https://www.bustle.com/p/the-funniest-sex-toy-reviews-from-lovehoney-8624712

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Bullet vibrators

These vibrators are often shaped like bullets or eggs and can be made from a variety of materials, including plastic, metal, and silicone. Bullet vibrators are typically powered by batteries and are relatively inexpensive, making them a popular choice for many women.

In addition to being used during sex, bullet vibrators can also be used for solo play. Some women find that these vibrators help them to reach orgasm more quickly and easily, while others enjoy the added stimulation they provide during sex. Regardless of how they are used, bullet vibrators can be a fun and effective way to add some extra excitement to your sex life.

Best bullet vibrators from Lovehoney

Real reviews:

“This is probably one of the best bullet vibrators I have ever owned. It’s REALLY strong and feels perfect. I never really liked buying these kinds of products online only because you can only go off of the descriptions and reviews to try and see if it is right for you. After buying this I probably won’t be as hesitant. If you’re thinking about buying this, you really should!” Shelly, Ella Paradis reviewer

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“The first sex toy I ever bought and it does not disappoint! Each speed is different and the vibrator can deliver a lot of pleasure. Once you find the perfect speed and function for you! It’s also really quiet, which is beneficial considering I share a house with other people.” – IB, Lovehoney review

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“As someone taking SSRI’s, blocked/delayed orgasm is a very real, very frustrating side effect. This vibe takes the work out of orgasm, and I am so appreciative. It’s about as loud as an electric toothbrush would be, it’s a good size for the hand, and the silicone is very soft and pleasant to touch. Very effective, and a great first introduction into vibrators.” – Grace, Unbound Babes review

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Chosen Rabbit Vibrator: Fifty Shades of Grey Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator

• Price: $139.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney
• Buy it here >

The Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is a sex toy that is designed to stimulate your G-spot. The vibrator has two motors, which allow for 36 different vibration combinations. The vibrator is also rechargeable and made from silicone. The ears of the vibrator are flexible, which allows for more contact with your clitoris. The Greedy Girl G-Spot Rabbit Vibrator is a great sex toy for anyone who wants to experience a dual clitoral and G-spot pleasure.

Real reviews

“This is by far the best vibrator I own. The first time I took it out of its silky bag I was in love. The tactile softness of the silicone is just sublime, and the size is just wow! The vibrator and rabbit vibrate independently allowing different speeds and intensity in each, which results in the most intense climax.” – NP, Lovehoney review

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LELO Soraya 2 – Deep Rose

• Price: $283.95
• Stockist: Adulttoymegastore
• Available colors: Purple, teal, black

Real reviews:

“I have several toys, but this is my #1 go-to favorite! The Soraya is delicate when you want it to be intense when you need to turn it up a notch. I tend to stick with the regular vibrations and not go to the fancy intermittent pulses, but they are available when I need them.

The company Lelo takes exceptional care of its customers. I have used the warranty twice and both times I have not been disappointed. I have been buying from Lelo for over 6 years and I will be a customer for life!” – Jaybird222, Lelo review

Read more: Refinery29

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Must-have cockrings

Real reviews:

“Okay, so, I wasn’t sure about this one. I’ve used cock rings with my partner before, and for him, they were just too much sensation. Turns out, it was just that we hadn’t used one with a good enough motor. This was *incredible* – the motor is so low and rumbly that it almost feels like a throbbing sensation. We didn’t even need to use it on the highest setting to get the maximum impact.

The only downside is that it’s not the stretchiest cock ring – I mean, it’s still plenty stretchy, but I would imagine that if he wasn’t used to the sensation, getting it over the balls could have been a little nerve-wracking. I also want to add that it’s an AMAZING hand vibe.

I had never thought about using a cock ring for anything besides a cock, but I realized that I could slip the ring part securely around my fingers to use on the clit during sex. it’s soooo nice. This is my new best sex friend (besides my partner, doy)” – Anonymous Babeland review

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“I got this for my boyfriend of 3 years and I can’t get him to stop using it. It’s been the best thing for our relationship. Works well as solo play or couples. My personal opinion, the vibrations are not too intense but just enough to have an orgasm while he’s wearing the toy.” – Amy, Ella Paradis review

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Lovehoney Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug 3.5 Inch

• Price: $36.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney

Looking for a way to add some extra spice to your sex life? Then check out the Lovehoney Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug 3.5 Inch. This small, sleek sex toy is made of silicone and features 3 vibration speeds and 7 patterns for a range of sensations. Plus, the T-shaped, flared base helps keep it in place during use. And because it’s waterproof, you can enjoy it in the shower or tub as well as in the bedroom.

Real reviews:

“This is an upgrade from a basic silicone butt plug I have used. I say upgrade, but it’s actually 1″ smaller. I’m a big fan of glass, so I knew I had to have it. It’s so comfortable I could wear it for hours. It’s perfect for beginners. Not too intimidating at all. You know you have it in as it’s weighty but so comfortable. Makes you nice and tight. You will have the cutest butthole in the world.” – JTM, Lovehoney review

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“Once it’s turned up, the vibrations are amazing for such a tiny, comfortable plug! I’m impressed. I ended up buying all three models. This one is great because, unlike the plugs I’ve tried with round bases, this one fits VERY comfortably between the cheeks. I also appreciate the attitude of the brand on its website and in the pamphlets included with the products.” – Calling Off Work Again, B-Vibe review

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LELO Sona Cruise, Black

• Price: $78.43
• Stockist: Walmart

LELO is excited to introduce the Sona Cruise, a sex toy that uses sonic pulses to provide 8 different pleasure settings. The silicone design is fully water resistant, making it perfect for use in the shower or tub. The Sona Cruise is also easy to clean with soap and water. We recommend using a water-based lubricant with this sex toy. LELO’s unique Cruise Control setting ensures that the Sona Cruise will maintain its intensity, even when things get heated.

Real reviews:

“I’m in love with my Sona Cruise toy and cannot recommend it enough. I own other LELO toys and this one is my favorite. The toy fits perfectly in your hand and the material is super soft and feels nice on your skin. The waterproof feature is also definitely a nice touch, who doesn’t want to make bath time more exciting? Just like all other LELO products, this one just feels like a premium product – you definitely get what you pay for!” – Marcy D, Ella Paradis review

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“The Satisfyer pro is probably one of the best inventions and investments on the market!! It is super easy to use and allows me to have the sensation of a more costly clit vibe without the huge price tag! I just plug it in and it charges. It is small enough that I can carry it with me.” – J.A, Ella Paradis review

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“So this is my first sex toy, and honestly I got it because I got out of a relationship and didn’t want to go back to hooking up. (I’m a busy girl getting her degree I don’t have time for bad sex!) The first time it blew me away. It took some moving around and messing with it to figure out the best spot but boy when I did it was over in 30 seconds and made me a very happy camper.” – J, Unbound Babes review

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“The ergonomics were really thought out and executed well. I also really love the texture of the device. It is soft and gentle so it doesn’t hurt (like those made of hard plastic), but is also firm enough to pinpoint it.” – Anonymous, Dame review

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Why not try: Lovehoney Mains Powered Classic Metallic Magic Wand

• Price: $99.95
• Stockist: Lovehoney
• Rating: 4.5/5 (4,126 reviews)

Real reviews:

“This rechargeable magic wand works like a charm! The various settings give ample choices for your mood. Going cordless was a concern at first however once this unit is charged it last quite a while, it has never run out of power during use! Like the original corded unit, it seems to be a very quality product. To sum it up, this is just his magical as the original!” – Olivia, Ella Paradis review

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“Let me start off by saying WOW! Don’t let this bad boy fool you, though it is small in nature it packs the strength of a power drill. Shocked, terrified, impressed. These are the emotions I went through when test-driving this pleasure stick. I didn’t fully understand the strength adjustment and went full force right off the bat, and let me tell you, I almost sanded off my June bug. I was shocked, my lady bits were shocked, but my roommates didn’t hear a thing. Let’s just say this isn’t your grandma’s vibrator!” – Anonymous Amazon Reviewer

What are the funniest or most ridiculous things you’ve ever read in a sex toy review?

Trust, if the reviews are these good – you should buy it!