40 Weirdest Things Our Readers Have Used to Masturbate

Candles, hangers, and a zucchini… Three words I never thought I’d utter in a single breath.

Well, I shall stand corrected!

A popular question in Ask SAHM (originally asked three years ago but is still getting answers today!) goes likes this:

Weirdest thing you have used to masturbate? I have used a really big candle, bed post, and gear stick.

Apparently, there’s no shortage of creativity among our lovely readers when it comes to *ehem* personal pleasure, and we got a kick out of reading all those amusing answers! Oh there are “regular” answers there alright, like dildos, vibrators, and a Sybian — but there are even more answers that are simply out of this world! I think this answer encapsulates the whole thread best:

I’m sure you’re dying of curiosity now, so I’ll get started. Here are the weirdest things our readers have used to masturbate!

1. Silky padded coat hangers from dear aunt

2. The hand-held shower head on a “special” setting

3. A frozen hotdog

4. A beer bottle opener that says “Greatest Dad”

5. A Coke can

6. Mother-in-law’s water bottle

7. A knitting needle

8. A string of pearls

9. A bottle of moisturiser

10. A six-pack nuggets

11. A litre bottle of apple juice

12. A ham hock

13. The motherf*cking door knob

14. The gear stick

15. A Christmas bauble

16. An electric toothbrush

17. Boyfriend’s old t-shirt

18. A cucumber

19. A bookmark

20. A pine cone

21. A toy light saber

22. A longneck bottle

23. A curling wand (disclaimer: it’s unplugged)

24. The leg of a chair

25. One of those Kong dog toys

26. The leg of a Ken doll

27. Running bath water

28. Raspberry-flavoured Zooper Dooper

29. A frozen banana

30. A stick of cabana

31. The rolling pin

32. The handle of a hammer

33. A cheese stick

34. A microphone

35. One of those long twirly lollipops

36. A rolled up newspaper

37. Soap on a rope

38. A pair of tongs

39. Boost chocolate bar

40. The bed post

What about you? What do you use?