Out of Control Mummy Guilt

This week in the news a Mummy was found pushing her dead 3 year old in a swing in Baltimore, outside of Washington in the US. There are talks of her being homeless, of mental illness, even the grandmother asking the public to please not judge her daughter.

All facts on the daughter aside, whether she was homeless, had a mental illness”¦ is there a single other Mummy out there that could put their hand on the heart and declare that in the face of the death of their child they wouldn’t do something insane like this?

I’m sure I’m not alone in putting my children to bed each night (let’s be honest) often desperate to get them in bed after along tiring day, but it’s a common occurrence that after I’ve put them to bed, I stare at them and thinking about all the things that I’d wished I’d done that day.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so upset when they were slow to put on their shoes.

Maybe I should have taken 10 minutes out from cleaning the house to set up their dominos for them.

I really wish I’d taken a 5 minute break and pushed them on the swing in the back yard when they were asking.

Now imagine you discover your little one (no actually don’t”¦ the thought is way too traumatic to even imagine)”¦ but let’s say”¦ the worst imaginable thing happened”¦. now picture your regrets and what you wished of the prior day.

Wishing I’d pushed my little one on the swing would be right up there. In the turmoil of this Mother’s mind, it doesn’t seem disgusting at all to me, it seems desperate and really sad.

Whether this Mummy had a pre-standing mental illness or not, I’m not waiting to find out whether there was foul play (I really hope there wasn’t”¦ obviously). Instead I’m sitting here with my heart breaking for this poor Mum who was wishing that she had one more moment with her child, trying desperately to re-enact a moment that she missed yesterday.

Let’s live for today”¦ kind of

Hands up Mums who AREN’T guilty about not spending enough time with their kids? Whether you skipped a book at bedtime, said “give me 5 minutes and I’ll be with you””¦ only to find that after 5 minutes the kids were content, so continued going about your business”¦cleaning, cooking, taking phone calls”¦ whatever the hell seems so important at the time.

“Phew” I got out of it, they’re occupied now!

There’s always tomorrow!

Until there’s not.

Living each and every moment like there’s no tomorrow is a little ridiculous, if that was the case none of us would have clean clothes and our house would be even worse than what we think it is right now, but perhaps, can we aim for something less than perfection?

When our house is an absolute shambles (aka”¦ my everyday life) maybe we should start to accept THAT’S LIFE”¦ and baby, it’s not going to get any better.

Have a goal, an absolute minimum time allowance for doing nothing but focusing on your children. Start with a little one, say 10 minutes of every hour, or from 11am to 12pm, or I’ll never sacrifice my bedtime story”¦ who cares, whatever, but stick to it.

Stick to it even if the dishes aren’t done.

Stick to it even if there’s a floating hairball in the corner because you haven’t vacuumed in 48 hours.

I’m thinking no matter what we do we’ll have regrets because there’s too damn much on our plates, so whilst we can’t live like there’s no tomorrow”¦ maybe we should hedge our bets a little and stop trying to be all or nothing, 10 minutes out from cleaning my filthy house isn’t going to make much of a difference surely.

Here’s a few ideas that take only a few minutes a day, if you want to make a conscious effort to give just a little more”¦ then pick 3 or 5 or 10″¦..

20 Ways to Show Our Kids They Matter

Push them on the swing for 5 minutes
Read them a story
At bedtime, ask them about their day and really listen and ask questions
Tell them a “once upon a time story” about them
Play a game of hide and seek
Setup dominos for them when they’re not looking and let them knock them over
Take them for a 5 minute walk outside your yard and talk about the birds or trees
Hide behind a door and jump out, then chase them and tickle them.
Ask them what game they’d like to play
Jump in a puddle, roll on the grass”¦ climb under the beeper at the local convenience store to see if you can get in undetected
Put too many bubbles in the bubble bath and jump in with them
Play catch or totem tennis
Jump on the trampoline or ride a bike
Put on some music and dance
Grab the lipstick and nail polish and dress up (boys included)
Sit at their little table and have a snack together
Put them on a blanket, put them on it and take them for a ride across the tiles
Find a grassy hill and roll down with them
Play a video game together
Jump on You Tube and find some videos to watch together around their interests

There are no huge gestures here, with our lives they are impossible. But perhaps, one small gesture at a time we can stop putting off life until all is perfect tomorrow”¦ perfect smerfect.