I Chose ‘Me’ Over ‘More Kids’ – Am I Selfish?

This story of hysterectomy was shared by one of our Stay at Home Mum community members.  We thank her for sharing her story with us here at Stay at Home Mum. If you would like your own story featured on the Stay at Home Mum page, please send your unique story to [email protected]. 

I had a hysterectomy when I was just 30. Not exactly your average operation for someone so young, is it? But, I have never been your average person either. Before we get to the nitty gritty of it all, I think a little back story is needed.

For as long as I can remember I have had lower back pain. It really started to niggle at me when I hit about 13/14. What does that have to do with having a hysterectomy? I’ll tell you. At the age of 26 I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis – bit of a shock. I was always under the impression it was an older person’s disease”¦in all honesty I never understood it.

As I got a little older the pain I would get when I had my period was excruciating and for a couple of days I would be bed ridden. I was a regular user of Morphine and Valium along with my regular medication. My work suffered; my home life suffered; my family were horrified for me. There was nothing anyone could do to help me. Finally, it got to the point where I just couldn’t take it anymore.

So in the start of 2013 I saw my regular GP and asked what my options were. He referred me to a gynaecologist. Now, even at this stage I was certain I wanted a hysterectomy, but I was happy to hear them out. As it was a gyno at the local hospital, I was informed I would be on a waiting list. After six long months of waiting I went to see my Rheumatologist to see if she could maybe nudge the appointment to an earlier time. Three months later I finally had my appointment. Longest nine months of my life.

To say I was nervous is an understatement. I wasn’t sure if he would hear me out and see my side of the story. However, he was great. He listened and he told me my options. I could go with a Mirena, cauterization, take tablets that would stop my period altogether or worst case scenario, have a hysterectomy. I was against taking the tablets. My memory isn’t the greatest due to some of my medication and I didn’t want to add another set of tablets to my growing stash. My gyno told me he doesn’t recommend cauterization. So I thought the Mirena was the way to go.

After I left, I looked up the Mirena and the success rates of them stopping women’s periods. After six months 1 in 5 women stop having their period. After six months I had a 20% chance of getting the outcome I was after? I had already waited 9 months for the appointment and I had made up my mind. I just didn’t have another six months in me on a maybe. So I rang and spoke to my gyno. He agreed to see me again in two weeks.

Convincing him that having the hysterectomy was my best option was hard work. He thought I was too young. “I am happily married with two kids. We both decided after our daughter was born that we were done having kids. We are definitely content.” I had tears in my eyes thinking I had waited this long to just be shut down. It was nearly unbearable. And then he looked at me and said, “I really like you, you are a very smart, intelligent girl and I believe you know what is best for you.” He was still very hesitant to do it and he made an appointment for me to see his supervisor to be sure. But I was ecstatic, I was finally getting this done! Two weeks later I got my appointment. October 15th. Nervous, but excited I started preparing myself for this life changing procedure.

The day before my operation I received a phone call from my gyno to say his supervisor, himself and the operating team had got together, as they do before every operation and they decided I was just too young. I was beyond shattered, but I kept my cool and asked what he suggested we do. He knew I had lined it up with my work to have the time off to recover and in his words, “we don’t want to feel like we have wasted your time.” They would do an explorative operation to see if they could find another option or a reason why I get this pain in my back. I told him I understood why he was hesitant to do this.

I was going to be the youngest person he had ever given a hysterectomy to.

The explorative operation went well. After two weeks I went back to see them and they found I had a globular uterus. This is a lot more common than people realise”¦it means my uterus is a lot rounder than it is supposed to be. It is not painful and was not a good enough reason to perform a hysterectomy. My heart sank. Then he pulled out the photos. Wow. I may not have known what I was looking at, but he pointed it out to me and it was unreal. I had varicose veins on the wall of my uterus. They were massive veins and he said that could be the cause of some of the pain I was experiencing whenever I had my period.

After he showed me those he said he would be happy to perform the operation as long as I was aware that this may not have the outcome I was hoping for.

“What if you still have the pain?”

“Will you regret having this procedure done?”

“We don’t want you to have any regrets.”

“And we can’t guarantee this going to work for you.”

I told him, “If the worst case scenario happens I will not regret it. And if the best outcome I have is that I never have my period again, I won’t come back and tell you I made a mistake. At least I will have tried.”

In January 2014 I had my hysterectomy. It is, to this day, one of the best decisions I have made in my life. While there were no guarantees that it was going to work the way I wanted to, it did. Since having the operation my life has improved more than I could have hoped. Rather than having a flair up every other week, I have had two! I can do a lot more activities; my kids no longer have to tie my shoes for me; and I am so much happier. I feel like an entirely new person and I love her!!

Pain had ruled my life for so long, I forgot what it was like to be somewhat normal. While I still get pain every day, it is nothing compared to what it used to be. My medication keeps it in check and I no longer have to take Morphine or Valium on a regular basis. I’m glad I fought tooth and nail for this. I do not regret my decision at all and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t hesitate.

Thank you for reading my story.

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