A mum has posted a hilarious ad describing an antique bassinet she bought in “whimsical pregnancy moment”.
First-time mums usually get carried away with shopping and stocking items for their babies, and mum Kobie, is no different.
Kobie has now put up for sale on Gumtree the 100-year-old bassinet supposedly for her baby boy, but then realised, she has no need for it after she gave birth. She titled the post, which shows her baby and the bassinet:
“Antique bassinet; from a time when babies were men. Baby not included. $100.00 Negotiable”
In her hilarious post, she said she bought the bassinet “in a whimsical moment in early pregnancy” when she thought being a mum meant rocking her angelic baby to sleep, while she looks like a “stunning Gaia Earth Mother.”
She wrote:
“…We really need to sell this lovely bassinet that I bought in a whimsical moment in early pregnancy when I thought being pregnant would be a holy, other worldly experience and had images of myself, glowing and slim, dressed in long white flowing dresses whilst I rocked my angelic baby in a white, wicker cradle.
After getting fat, bloated, sweaty and flatulent; discovering babies only smelled nice depending on whether you sniffed them before or after a wee/ poo/ vomit/ washing between their fat rolls and finding that I was too busy feeding/ trying to get my baby to sleep to entertain fantasies of being a stunning Gaia Earth Mother I now need to sell so I can afford a haircut (easier then washing it at the moment).”
She also said that the bassinet suits women with fake babies.
“The people this bassinet would most appeal to are middle-aged women who wander markets and festivals with their creepy life-like dolls in old, turn of the century prams.
“The type of women who have a look of elation, tempered by a studiously exasperated groan when stopped for a look; followed by a slightly murdery glare when asked if the baby is real.
“The type of woman who might seem well rounded and down to earth, until one looks under her floorboards.”
Kobie also said that the old-fashioned cradle also comes with a “surprisingly expensive” homemade liner and mattress cover made with a sewing machine that ended up on the living room floor “beaten into submission with an axe”.
She added that the bassinet’s $100 selling price is negotiable.
“If you’re not convinced to buy it by now (but who wouldn’t be?), I’ll throw in another offer. If you pay $100 for it, I’ll throw in a bottle of wine and drink it with* you.
*for you, I’ll drink it for you.”
This mum would definitely have had buyers ROFL at her offer. I certainly did!
Source: Kidspot.com.au
