FFS Miley put it away already

Miley. Bloody. Cyrus. If this is where the world is heading, I want to get off.

I am aware of the irony of heaping more attention on the 22-year-old pop princess that wants nothing more, but just like my subject, I just can’t keep my mouth closed.

As host of the 2015 MTV Awards in LA on Sunday, the super-confident singer arrived in true to herself form. She strutted the red carpet in some strategically placed gold suspenders, knee high space boots and a chandelier, in what could have only have left a hole in her mansion ceiling as she grabbed it on her way out the door to cover her bits.

And by “cover” I mean being so scantily clad below that we, here at the office, had to zoom in on a posed photograph to see if she really was flapping free. The jury’s still out.

But the jury here was not out about how grossed out we felt to be in the same species as her. I mean really? This means that a whole gazillion, young celebrity-obsessed teens would have seen the same thing. They would have seen all 11 unfiltered, designed for shock-value outfits that the tiny-waisted star paraded through the night while she preformed and hosted the show in front of the usual massive crowd. A super thin white mini dress had so much cut out of it that it would have had about three cents worth of material left in it and a skin coloured leotard so high cut that it’s a wonder the outrageous star was still in one piece.

The barely-there images would have been lapped up by image hungry teens everywhere; not only in real time on their large living room TVs but in serving size snaps on Instagram, Vine, Twitter and Snapchat.  And it’s all flown under the guise of wanting to have fun.

There’s fun and there’s fun

“I want to be memorable,’ the ex-Disney child actress told The Daily Mail. “That’s what my fans want too. Everyone’s talking about me, waiting to see what I’m doing next. And, yeah, I like things to be bright and colourful and fun.”

I have two daughters- one a teen and one a tween. They like music, they like dancing and I’ve even seen them stick their tongue out. They have what you call fun.  It’s good, clean fun. While they like to dress up and take photos with their friends, they are certainly not parading light fittings when they run out of clean undies.

But it scares me that they may one day, if not already eyes agape at a friend’s house, see this piece of meat packaged up as a talented girl and think that that is somehow how you go about having fun. That this is what young women do; they expose themselves for attention, so that nothing is left sacred. Surely it’s illegal to be this much of a twit and famous at the same time?

But, I also feel a bit sorry for her. Poor Miley, her designer obviously swallowed Willy Wonker, a space man and a two bit hooker before throwing up on her and narrowly missing her open mouth. So I am going to write to her and help her out:

Dear Miley,

I don’t know how to say this, but you made us gag on our cornflakes when the media showed us what you wore to the MTV Awards on Sunday. I have taken the liberty of firing your stylist (or do they call them artists these days?) and have put out an ad for a new one:

Celebrity stylist wanted:

Looking for someone to clothe and style a lost child star/turned diva who likes to “have fun.” Has many young impressionable followers whose eyes need cleansing with displays of subtle body confidence, after being exposed to numerous visions of posing crack stripper. Is prone to thinking an open v jay jay is the perfect accessory on the red carpet and gyrating against other humans and frequent tongue outage is cute — so firm guidance is needed to set this star straight. A love of swinging on heavy machinery not necessary.

From a concerned parent of impressionable daughters.

Featured image via billboard.com